Afterlife
by The Nervous Rambler
Summary: AU. A/B E/J Em/R. 'Why won't you let me help you, Bella' 'Because you can't help me unless you believe me'
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or anything familiar. Look for a more detailed disclaimer at the bottom.**

**Rated: T. **

**Author: The Nervous Rambler.**

**Summary: AU. AH. A/B E/J Em/R. 'Why won't you let me help you, Bella?' 'Because you can't help me unless you believe me!'**

_Mercy Hospital, Forks Washington._

You know that mini panic attack you have when you first wake up and you don't know where you are? Your heart starts pounding so hard you're sure it's going to explode form your chest and slap you in the face, your thoughts flying by a mile a minute, so fast you don't even register any of them, and breathing becomes a more difficult task than it should be. I always hated those little freak outs, mostly because I got them more than the average person. I had been traveling all my life, never staying in the same place for more than a year. Well, that's not completely true. The past two and a half years I had a permanent location. Not one I liked though.

Anyways, after the whole panic attack, I furiously looked around to gather myself. Another white room. That was another thing I had grown to hate over the past two and a half years. The colour white. White tiled floors with scuff marks from wheels and shoes, white walls so clean you could almost see your reflection in them, and the single window. Strangely enough, this one didn't have bars over it like I was used to.

What I wasn't used to, however, was being hooked up to every damn machine you could think of. An IV in my arm, a white sticky square with a wire on my left temple, a big white clip on my finger with a cord running to another machine and a clear white tube across my face and in my nose. The thing was damn itchy and if I knew what it was for, I would have pulled the sucker out. As it was, I didn't know if pulling it out could be lethal.

Speaking of lethal…

Where the hell was I? And why?

Moments later, the previous night's events rushed back to me, blurry and vague. The car and the booze, the red light, headlights, and the crash.

Ironically enough, I wasn't the cause of the accident either. It was the douche bag in the truck who ran his red light. But something else came with those memories. I had bounced back and forth from conscious and unconscious. I could still hear the sirens, remember the lights rushing by overhead as the paramedics and doctors rushed me down the hall of the hospital, the blonde doctor…did he have golden eyes or was that just my buzz? But there was also a voice… I think.

_"It's her!"_

The voice sounded frantic. High, like bells, soft as the wind blowing through the trees.

_"Double stitch, or it won't hold, and be careful!"_

But again, that could have just been my buzz.

Hesitating slightly, I lifted my hand to my face, gingerly touching the bandage above my right eyebrow. Stitches. Hmm, perhaps it wasn't a buzz.

The door cracked open then as someone walked in. The blonde doctor from before walked in, studying his clip bored as he walked over to the side of my bed. Now, I wasn't into the whole older guys thing. It kind of creeped me out actually, 'cause who could find someone old enough to be your parent attractive in that way? But there was no denying that this man was handsome. I was sure he turned more than a few nurse's heads. His hair was blonde, like wheat, and slicked back, his face pale and smooth, wrinkle free. He wasn't super old or anything, but you'd think he'd have at least _one_ wrinkle. He's a doctor, for crying out loud, stress was their life. But the most eye-catching thing of all, was the colour of his. A warm golden, swirling with genuine kindness as he looked up and me and smiled. "Hello, miss Swan."

Even though I cleared my throat first, my voice was still rough and scratchy as I looked up at him. "Hello…" I glanced at his name. "Doctor Cullen."

His smile widened. "Please, call me Carlisle."

Nodding, I adjusted my glasses on my face. The white sticky was making them sit funny since the frames were bold black ones. "Only if you call me Bella then, Isabella makes me sound old." I made a face.

Jeeze, I must have been a little buzzed still. I wasn't this friendly sober. I was kind of a grouch, actually.

"Very well, Bella. How are you feeling this morning?" He asked, getting down to business though his voice stayed friendly.

I shrugged. "Good, but I'm sure it won't last much longer though."

He nodded, writing something down. "Indeed. The alcohol will have left your system in an hour or so."

"Lovely."

Carlisle's smile faded slightly. "Bella, we contacted your parents." He said, frowning when I cringed. That was a pretty blunt way to start things, but it had to be done. "Your mother called and said she would be here by the end of the week, but your father is in the waiting room. Would you like him present while we have this conversation?"

Scowling, I crossed my arms over my chest, conscious of the IV still. "Might as well kill two birds with one stone." I grumbled.

Carlisle left and moments later returned with Charlie Swan. The years had been good to him, he hadn't changed that much since I had seem him last. My previous birthday. More irony; my birthday had been three days ago, and I would have seen him then if I hadn't ran. His hair was short and dark, a darker brown than mine, though the tips at the back were starting to grey. His moustache was starting to grey as well, his brown eyes an exact match to my own, though his were surrounded by laugh lines. Relief filled them as he rushed over to the side of the hospital bed. "Bells! Thank God, you scared the crap out of me." He said, running a hand through his hair.

"Sorry." I murmured, looking down at my lap.

Charlie sighed, shaking his head. "What were you thinking, Bella?" A shrug was my only response as I continued to look everywhere but at him. "I thought you said they were helping you. I thought the meds…didn't they help?"

I nodded meekly. "For a while. It didn't last."

Charlie grunted, shaking his head again before patting my hand. "You could have just called me. I would have taken you out of there if you had just called me. You didn't need to turn this into a…a whole _production_."

Snorting, I looked up at him. "A production? I like to think of it as more of a service. Thanks to me, they won't make the mistake of keeping their keys lying around anymore." I laughed.

Charlie's eyes narrowed as he gripped my chin, making me look up. Gently though. Charlie wouldn't ever hurt me, but he was still my dad and he was still upset. I could see it in his eyes, and apparently he could see something in mine as well. "No. You're drinking again?"

"It helps." I whispered, my eyes filling with tears. That was something I never liked either. I was what I liked to call a Bi Polar Drunk. Highs and lows, no middle ground. Happy to sad to angry to _anything_ in a split second.

Carlisle cleared his throat, making his presence known once more. Charlie jumped slightly and I grinned. "If I may," He said, looking to Charlie. "The hospital in Phoenix informed me of Bella's illness and the trouble she's been having at their facility these past few months. I suggested to them, the possibility of Bella staying here in Forks with you." I sputtered while Charlie reeled back, furrowing his brows. "We think it is in your daughter's best interest, Chief Swan, that Bella live in a more free, but quiet environment like Forks, here with family. Where she can be supervised but not feel caged."

"What about her medication, her sessions?" Charlie asked, playing with his moustache.

Carlisle ran a hand through his hair, looking to me and back to Charlie with a professional face. "I also have a Ph.D in Psychiatry and serve as one of the Psychiatrists in Forks, and I'd be more than willing to have Bella as my patient. We could work to find a prescription that would work for her."

It was silent for a few minutes while Charlie thought this over, looking down at me. "I'd love to have you come live with me again, Bells. And it _does_ seem better than that hospital, though the food might be worse." He smiled. "But it's your choice."

Hospitals with white everywhere and bared windows? An orderly following you if you wanted to step outside for fresh air? Communal showers?

Nice cozy house, my own bed, private showers, and Charlie?

"I want to live with you." I agreed, nodding furiously. I looked back over at Carlisle who was also smiling. "Can I go home tonight?"

Carlisle nodded. "Yes, Charlie just has to sign you out and you could leave in a few minutes. I have some…disappointing news, though." Great. Was there never just good news? "Your wrist tag, I'm afraid we won't be able to take it off today." Wrist tag, that's what the doctors called the thick plastic wrist band. It had your full name, age, birthday, allergies, diagnosis, and other medical information on it. The thing was too thick to try and chew through, I found out after almost chipping my tooth, and too tight to cut off. I'd end up clipping a vein, most likely, in the process. You needed a special doohickey to take the thing off.

"Is your doohickey broken?" I blurted out, unable to stop myself.

Carlisle smiled a small amused smile. "No, our…doohickey isn't the right size. Your hospital used a much larger size than we have. I'll have to order a new one, so in the mean time you'll have to wear that."

Sighing, I glared at the thing on my wrist. "I've been wearing it for two and a half years, what's a couple more weeks?"

Carlisle placed the clip bored on a desk, moving next to my bed again. "Well, I'll just unhook you so you guys can go get settled in."

The whole process of signing out of the hospital was a lot longer than Carlisle made it out to sound. Charlie had to sign paper after paper after paper, and then a nurse had to check me over one more time before I had to be wheeled out of the building in a wheel chair. I always found that odd, how you _had_ to be wheeled out of you were injured or whatever. I guess it took so long though, because I was very aware of all the people staring at me while I waited for Charlie. Locals, I figured, wondering what Chief Swan was doing with this girl. Well, until they got a look at both of us together. The family resemblance wasn't strong, but the eyes and mannerisms gave it away.

I giggled when Charlie led me to his car in the parking lot. His very own squad car, and as lame as it sounds, that _'moving on up'_ song started playing in my head, and I was unable to stop the giggle. Charlie gave me a look as he got into the car, but left it alone as we drove off to the house.

My eyes stayed glued to the scenery outside, taking in all the trees. After living with nothing but the rooms and the halls of the hospital for so long, seeing all these woods and trees was like a man seeing a giant pool of crystal clear water after wandering the desert for a week. And I took in everything else, the people, the streets, the buildings, trying to memorize my way around the small town of Forks.

After a long while, I looked over at Charlie and cleared my throat as I felt a throb in my head. "So…what do you have to drink at your house?"

Charlie glanced at me out of the corner of his eye. "Our house now, Bells. And we've got water, milk, and soda."

"And…"

He grunted, shaking his head. "And my beer, but I don't want you drinking, Bella. Carlisle's is a good doctor, if anyone can find you meds that will work, it's him."

The throb turned into a lasting pain as I sighed, shifting in my seat. "And in the mean time?" He grimaced, looking away out his window. "Ch-dad, you know I _need_ it. It's the only sure thing that blocks them out and numbs the pain."

After what felt like years of waiting, the pain in my head making itself more known, Charlie backed down, nodding. "Fine. Just till he finds you something." He relented, his voice doused in disappointment and sympathy. "Just…just try to cut back as much as you can, for me?" He asked.

My heart clenched and it was moments like those that made me want to just toss everything to the ground and promise Charlie or Renee that I wouldn't touch another bottle ever again. I couldn't imagine what it must be like for them, having to watch their only child, their only baby get smashed every day. But all it took was that pain and those voices to rear their ugly heads for me to remember why I couldn't say that. Why I couldn't _do_ that.

And I knew they'd understand. They'd rather see me hammered than in that dark and dangerous place again. Neither of them were going to risk losing me to _that_ again.

"I'm going to need something with a little more kick than your beer, dad." I murmured, fiddling with my wrist band as Charlie pulled into the parking lot of the liquor store. He came back a few minutes later with two big brown bags full of different bottles, looking embarrassed and red. "Uh… I thought you just asked me to cut back?"

He cleared his throat, setting the bags in the back. "I wasn't sure what you'd like and then I thought I'd get a bunch so I wouldn't have to keep making a pit stop every night. That'd look back, being the Chief of police and all." He said, continuing back to the house again.

"Stock piling. That's using your noggin." I murmured, looking over my shoulder and into the bags in the back. But when I felt Charlie's eyes on me, I forced myself to turn back around and stare out the window, trying not to think about the liquid relief in the backseat while I chewed on my lip.

The rest of the afternoon and night was quite busy. Busy enough that I didn't have time to have another drink or even think about the pain that was gradually building in my head. Charlie was on the phone all night with the School District Administrations Board, arguing and talking into the late hours of the evening until he could get me registered and ready for class. It wasn't that big of a deal since I had still been taking classes with a private teacher at the hospital, so I wouldn't be behind or lacking in the education department. But I think both he and I were more worried about the social part of school than the academic. Then he took me out to go buy some clothes in Port Angeles, some things for my room, shampoo and soap that I liked, and other stuff.

By the time I was settled into my room, scheduled to go to school the next day, and we had eaten, it was late. I was exhausted and called it a night, hoping sleep would prove to be an escape from the monstrous headache for a couple hours, and Charlie did a little while later as well.

0-0-0-0

The next morning I was awoken by my alarm clock that was pressed right up against my ear. Well, it felt like it. The thing was loud and had the same effect as someone shoving a piece of broken glass into my head and shaking it around. It felt like my skull was going to explode and I furiously searched for the little time device, grabbing it and whipping it at the wall across the room where it shattered. My bloodshot eyes took in the little pieces on the floor by the wall while I waited for the guilt to sink in and pulled myself from the bed and over to the mess to clean it up.

What a great way to start things, Bella. Smash up all Charlie's stuff. Brilliant.

Glaring at nothing, I grabbed a pile of clothes and headed for the shower, my mood picking up only slightly without the knowledge that I'd be showering by myself for a change. The hot water did wonders though, soothing my aching body from the accident and momentarily putting the pain in my head to the far reaches of my mind. I stayed in there as long as I could, scrubbing and washing and relaxing.

When I was completely relaxed and on the edge of falling asleep again, I got out and dried off before getting dressed. Black jeans, a white tank top and a black, grey, and white plaid button up left undone and the sleeves rolled up to my elbows. Quickly slipping on my glasses, I took in my image in the mirror. It had been a couple days since I had seen my reflection.

Pale skin, even after living in Phoenix for two and a half years, long mahogany hair, and chocolate brown eyes. I wasn't overly tall, but I wasn't quite short either, and the "healthy meals" and daily exercising that we had to do back at the hospital kept me fairly fit.

Deeming that nothing had really changed, I ran a brush through my hair before slipping on my black beanie and headed downstairs. Charlie was down there at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee, in his uniform and the paper in his face. Nothing had really changed there either over the years. Back when we still all lived together with Renee, this was basically the scene every morning. Minus Renee burning the toast at the kitchen counter.

Charlie glanced up at me, then my wrist, before his brows scrunched us together. "You're not going to try and…um, hide that?" He asked, trying not to sound he had a problem with it.

I knew what he was concerned about though and shook my head. Grunting, I shrugged my shoulders as I perched on the table chair. "No. Secrets like these never last long, someone _always_ finds out and I'd rather just get it over with all in one day."

"Aren't you afraid it'll chase people away before you can make friends?" He asked, in a curious manner, not a hurtful one.

Shaking my head, my eyes traveled over to the fridge. "Nope. I'm thinking my social skills will do a fine job of that before this will have the chance."

Charlie got up to put his cup in the sink as I searched through the fridge, grabbing a bottle of whisky. "Listen, I spoke with the administration about your condition and even sent them a copy of your medical papers, but they still don't want you carrying that around the school casually. They-"

"I got it, don't worry." I grunted, grabbing a tin water bottle from the cupboard and started pouring. "There, might as well be water for all they know."

"Right." Charlie murmured, stalking back over to the kitchen table to grab his keys and make sure he had everything. "So, you want a ride to school? It's only a fifteen minute walk but it's your first day and all. I wouldn't mind giving you a ride until we figure things out."

"Walking's fine. Haven't exactly been able to take a stroll by myself in a couple years, this'll be a nice change." I replied, shoving my hands into my pockets.

He nodded, heading to the front to lace up his boots and grab his gun belt. "Alright, well I'll be home by six and then I was thinking we could go out for dinner and pick up a phone for you or something."

My brows furrowed. "Why?"

Charlie cleared his throat. "I don't know, thought you'd like one. Isn't that all the rage these days? Teenagers texting and whatnot?" He asked.

"I don't know. But okay, thanks." I replied, rubbing my forehead as it swelled with pain. I didn't even have to finish the thought before the lid on the water bottle was off and I took a swig. Charlie frowned, waving before he headed out the door and to his cruiser.

I waited around the house for another half an hour, sitting in the living room in the dark. It had been a long time since I had worn jeans, and I spent most of the time appreciating them. But soon it was time to leave if I was going to make it on time _and_ get my schedule. So with that in mind, I went to top off the water bottle, grabbed my fingerless grey gloves, a black leather coat, and a pair of converse before scooping up my backpack and heading out.

Like Charlie said, it was only a short fifteen minute walk to school. Much to short for my liking, I would have rather spent the day outside even with the good chance of rain. I paused briefly at the edge of the student parking lot, looking around at all the other people. I was never so good with social interaction or being near other people, so going to public schools over the years had never been my favourite thing. But alas, I had to endure.

Besides, the people around here seemed normal enough. There were no distinct cliques as far as I could tell, which would make sense seeing how small the population of Forks was, and that calmed my nerves some. There was, however, one shiny, expensive looking car there. A sleek silver volvo, parked up close to the school, the spaces on either side of it free while the rest of the parking lot was crammed full.

Three guesses as to what kind of person it was who owned that.

With great reluctance, I began my trek through the parking lot, ignoring the people who paused to stare or turn to whisper to their friends, and headed for the office building. The woman at the desk had a giant white grin for me as I entered, her hair red and pouffy, all pinned up like a big bun/ball on top of her head with giant purple glasses. And strangely enough, it seemed to suit the woman and work for her. "Hello there!"

"Er, hi."

"I received a message this morning when I got in; you must be Isabella." She said, excitement in her voice. I nodded meekly, slowly approaching the desk. "I never knew Chief Swan had a daughter, though I guess that would explain all the trips he makes every year, wouldn't it? Birthdays, Christmases, Thanksgivings, all those kinds of things? I bet he's so happy to have you living with him now though. I know I couldn't go more than a week without seeing _my_ son…" And so it continued for the next five minutes as she dug around for my schedule, a school map, and a paper for my teachers to sign. "Have a good day!" She called on my way out.

Even more people were staring when I walked back out, not even bothering to hide it. Kids clustered together, their eyes trained on me, turning to whisper to one another, some of them pointing as their friends searched for what everyone was looking at. Shoving my hands deeper into my pockets, I briskly walked off to my first class where the kids would glance over their shoulders every now and then, wondering who I was.

And so was the rest of my day up until my last class, photography. Charlie had took under the advisement of my previous hospital, of having me in a creative, "expressive" class to help with my illness or some crap like that. But I had to admit, I liked photography, so there was no complaining on my part.

I said in the very back corner of the room with my bag under my desk, my tin bottle clutched tightly in my hands, nearly empty by now. Like in every other class, there was the one odd person who'd catch a glimpse of my wrist band, eyes going wide as they spun around to spread the word. It only furthered their gossip when I'd grin at them or chuckle and wink before taking another swig of my bottle.

So colour me surprised when desk next to mine was taken while there were still other free ones around the room.

But before I had the chance to release the slightly witty, mostly offensive remark on the tip of my tongue, the girl turned to face me as well with a smile. And all thoughts flew off out the window. The girl was small; both short and petite. Her hair was also cropped short, spikes sticking out in every directions while her bangs brushed her chin, the colour such a dark raven brown that it looked black, and silky. Her skin was alabaster, looking like porcelain and completely blemish free; not a single freckle in sight. Her blood red lips pulled up in a smile revealing pearly white teeth. Her clothes suggested she was more wealthy than the average Joe; designer, and I briefly wondered if that volvo was hers out in the parking lot, dark wash skinny jeans, black high heels, a white T shirt and a black vest. But it was her eyes that had my very thoughts crumble and fall out of my head; an intense golden, like deep honey with speck of lighter gold, surrounded by thick black lashes. They were captivating, pulling me in deeper and deeper until I forgot my name.

"Hello." Her voice was light and high, like chimes, tinkling. It sounded so familiar but I couldn't place it anywhere…

Right. I should probably answer. "Oh, um, hey." I replied lamely.

Her smile seemed to brighten even more as she held out her delicate pale hand. "I'm Alice, Alice Cullen."

"Bella." I replied, shaking her hand. It was cold, colder than mine, and felt like she had been outside all day. "Nice to meet you."

Alice propped her elbow up on her desk, resting her chin in her palm as her eyes roamed over me. I felt a blush creep up my neck. "You're Chief Swan's daughter, right?" I nodded, the wrist band on my wrist suddenly feeling shame-worthy. As subtly as I could, I folded my arms to hide it, but she picked up on it, frowning. "You don't need to hide it, Bella. I already know; word spreads fast around the school and…well, my dad mentioned you in passing."

My brows furrowed. "Your da…oh! Carlisle?" Cullen. Man, I was slow today.

Alice nodded. "Yes."

Watching her curiously, I lifted my hand up, fiddling with my wrist band. "And this doesn't bother you like the rest of them?"

"You shouldn't be ashamed of who you are, Bella." Alice said seriously.

"And what if who you are is dangerous?" Alice raised an eyebrow. "Mental illnesses like mine are dangerous, otherwise they'd let me run around like all the rest of you." I tried to keep the bitter resentment from my voice, but it was hard. I… really didn't care for the system sometimes.

"You're sitting in this class with me, are you not?" She asked.

Good point.

"And that doesn't frighten you?"

An amused smile pulled at her lips. "I assure you, I can take care of myself."

The teacher came in then, greeting everyone and introducing me to the class. Apparently the class was working on their landscape portfolios, pictures mostly of Forks, or Seattle and Port Angeles if you went out there with your camera. It was a partner project, and luckily enough, for me, Alice was the only one in class who didn't have a partner so we were paired up. The pictures she had were…breathtaking. Black and white, in colour, faded and unfocused, of ponds or different shots of the woods, in the woods, a fallen tree with moss over growing it, the cliffs… no one else's could compare. She seemed pleased that I liked them, though warned me that this meant I'd be expected to go hiking with her for the pictures from now on.

The in class work was mostly just developing their pictures, or doing research on famous photographers or famous works. Alice and I made more small talk all throughout class as we worked, and I genuinely liked her company surprisingly. Now and then though, I'd catch a slightly frown from when I'd sip from my bottle, but there was no way she could tell what it was. I'd been popping tick tacos all day.

She waved after walking out to the parking lot, skipping over to the silver volvo where the rest of her siblings were waiting. They were too far away for me to get a look at, but I was sure one of them was glaring. I could feel it.

And that's how the first day went.

Overall, not too bad.

Perhaps Forks wouldn't be that bad.

**XXxxXXxxXX**

**Alright. So, School Ties, my other story…I don't know, I'm not really feeling it and I apologize. I haven't given up on it completely yet, seeing as I've written almost another chapter…but I don't know.**

**This one however, I have big plans for, so hopefully you'll stick around for it.**

**With that in mind, I shall take my leave. **

**Reviews would be greatly appreciated.**

**Annnd, I can't really give all the disclaimers right away because then it will spoil the story, so I'll try to put them in at the end of the chapter where they're needed but if I don't remember; my bad. So I suppose the best I can do at this point is say that anything in this story at any time that you recognize from somewhere else (TV, movies, stories, etc) doesn't belong to me but belongs to their rightful owners.**

**That works, right?**

**-**_**The Nervous Rambler.**_


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or anything familiar. Look for a more detailed disclaimer at the bottom.**

**Rated: T. **

**Author: The Nervous Rambler.**

**Summary: AU. AH. A/B E/J Em/R. 'Why won't you let me help you, Bella?' 'Because you can't help me unless you believe me!'**

The next morning didn't start out better than the first. I had figured if I just set my radio to go off when I needed to get up, I wouldn't be so cranky. I mean, there wouldn't be a blaring beeping noise sounding in my ear. There'd be a catchy tune or even possibly one of my favourite songs. How could you possibly wake up in a sour mood if it's your favourite song whose waking you up? However, the song I woke up to was rather ironic, and I wasn't sure what to do with it.

The song that woke me up was Sober by Pink.

Irony at its finest, people.

But I guess it _was_ better than the beeping, seeing as I hadn't hurled this across the room as well. And I _did_ have something catchy to sing along to in the shower as I got ready. Singing in the shower was one of my favourite hobbies, actually, so the morning was turning up already. There was something about it that just made me want to sing, where usually I'm reluctant to even talk. I guess because unless someone is listening for you, then they can't hear you above the spraying water of the shower. Or maybe it just felt right, standing there, shampooing, and doing nothing else. That would be a long stretch of silence, and naked silence is always awkward.

Charlie was at the kitchen table again when I got downstairs. It seemed to be the only time he ever was sitting there; he ate supper, and I'm assuming lunch, in his chair in the living room so he could watch TV as well. I offered him a half smile as I grabbed the carton of juice and a glass, perching on the kitchen chair across from him again. I had deemed it my perching spot last night, seeing as I could never sit properly in it. "So what's on the agenda today?" I asked, sipping from my juice and scrunching my face up.

Bad idea. I had just brushed my teeth in the shower.

Charlie chuckled at the face, turning the page of his paper. "Figured I'd pick up some dinner after dropping you off at the hospital."

"Huh?" I asked, my brows furrowing. Drop me off at the hospital?

"Yeah," Charlie frowned. "For your sessions with Carlisle, remember?"

"Vaguely." I huffed, scowling at nothing.

Sighing, Charlie set his paper down and ran a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry, kiddo, but it's got to be done, or else they'll take you back to the hospital." I nodded, still scowling. "So how was your first day? Make any friends? Any, uh, guys I should be aware of?"

That lifted my mood some as I snorted. "No, but I'll be sure to give all the guys a warning that Poppa Bear is making his rounds." Charlie gave a nod, puffing up his chest as he smiled at me. "Any friends? Well… I don't know, maybe."

"Maybe? Maybe's good, right?" He asked, rinsing out his cup and plate.

Shrugging my shoulders, I grabbed a pen and started to doodle on his paper. "Yeah, I guess so. I haven't scared her off yet, which is good."

"Does she know about…" He nodded to my wrist band.

"Yup, and apparently has no problem with it."

"That's great, Bells."

Yeah, until she figured out _why_ I was diagnosed with it. "I don't know, I'm not going to hold my breath." I grumbled, getting up and wandering over to the fridge.

"You're not much of an optimist, are you?" Charlie said, shaking his head. "You want a ride today?"

"No, thanks though. See you after school." I called as he nodded and headed out the door.

With a sigh, I looked around myself before getting ready to leave. First line of business was trying to remember where I left my black beanie last night. It was a little hazy but I think I remembered crashing on the couch at one point, so I checked there first. And alas, it was wedged between cushions, but I snatched it up with a wicked grin, pulling it on. The I ran around the house, absently tying the black tie around my neck, rolling up the sleeves of my red button up, slipped on my converse, and grabbed fingerless black gloves.

The grand search for my beanie had me running late and I'd probably have to run. Quick as I could, I grabbed a belt, doing it up to hold up my faded black jeans, and grabbed my water bottle before filling it up quickly.

Holding a pop tart in my mouth, I swung the front door closed behind my and locked it, pulling on my backpack as I raced down the driveway.

I was a panting mess and only half way to school by the time I gave up and sat on the side of the road to catch my breath. I'd rather be late than explode one of my lungs. Honestly. But to my luck, a car slowed down to a stop in front of me. Apprehensive, but still exhausted, I peered over the door and into the window, looking inside.

Angela Weber. I recognized her from gym class, she was the one sitting out because she hurt her elbow or something earlier that morning. She had seemed friendly enough, smiling politely when I had looked over, telling me where my next class was. Here she was again, helping me out. Her kind grey eyes looked worried behind her own glasses, not unlike mine, as she tucked a lock of her light hair behind her ear. "Need a ride, Bella?"

Huh. She even remembered my name. With an appreciative smile, I jumped in, buckling up as she started off again. "Thanks. I don't think the teachers would have approved of me being late on my second day."

Angela smiled and shook her head. "Probably not. You don't have a car?"

Shaking my own head, I looked around the interior of the car. It was nice – not expensive, but it wasn't all dirty and falling apart. "Nope. It's not a long walk and I enjoy being outside, but I was running a little late today."

She nodded in understanding. "Ah. Well if you ever need a ride, you can just send me a text; I live a couple houses down from yours so it's no big deal." Well, you learn something new every day. I hadn't known she lived so close. "Here's my number." She said, tossing me her phone. "Put yours in mine?"

Nodding again, I quickly put in both our numbers, pausing as something fluttered in my chest. A warm sensation. Nice. Friendship maybe? "Are we friends now?" I blurred out before I could stop, blushing like mad.

Angela laughed, looking over at me with a smile. "You're even more socially awkward than I am," She said, slightly disbelieving before she smiled and nodded. "Yes, we're friends now." She said. "I think we'll be good friends, you and I."

"Er, good." I mumbled, looking away out the window.

Bella the Winner: 1.

Bella the Failure: Well, a billion at this point.

But still.

I made a friend.

**XXxxXXxxXX**

"Not that I don't appreciate the consideration," I mused as Angela and I moved forward in the lunch line. "But why haven't you asked me yet?"

Angela looked over her shoulder at me with a quirked eyebrow as she grabbed a sandwich. "Asked you what?" I dangled my wrist in front of her, smiling sheepishly at the look the lunch lady gave me. "Oh, well I figured you'd tell me when you wanted to. No use in going prying people for information they don't hand over up front, you know?" She said, grabbing a bottle of water. "Want one?"

Holding up my own, I smirked. "I'm good. The school's water here would just seem too bland for my tastes."

Angela continued to watch me for a second before she smiled and put it back. "You're obviously up to something."

"Maybe, maybe not." I shrugged.

Just as Angela was about to reply, I felt a tap on my shoulder and jumped a foot in the air. "Damn, Alice! You nearly gave me a heart attack." I breathed, clutching said heart.

Giggling, Alice rolled her golden eyes. "Sorry; I'll be sure to stomp my way over next time."

"I'm not sure you can," I murmured, frowning. "I think your stomping would be the equivalent of fat mice running around." Alice, and Angela for that matter, had blank faces. "You know, just barely heard still."

A booming laugh sounded somewhere in the background, more specifically; the corner of the room where the Cullens usually sat. Angela just scrunched up her face, looking at me curiously. "Are you high?"

Warmer…

"No, I'm not high." I scoffed, waving off her comment. Alice was frowning at me again and I shifted uncomfortably, the disappointed look in her eye slapping me across the face. I tried to shake it off though. This was my life, my illness, and I'd do what I saw fit. Who was she to judge me? I barely knew her – her opinion shouldn't bother me that much.

But it did and I ended up scowling, looking away from her. "Did you need something, Alice?" I asked, irritated.

She huffed, obviously not liking my attitude. "Well I was going to ask if you wanted to sit with me and my family."

"Pass." I shot back, not liking her attitude either.

Again, dammit, the look of hurt that crossed her face was like a punch to the gut. "Oh… Okay."

Quickly, I backtracked, feeling like I just kicked a puppy. "Not that I don't want to, because I wouldn't mind sitting with you," I offered a smile, somewhat feeble, but still. "It's just that I already said I'd sit with Angela and her friends. She invited me this morning."

Alice's golden eyes travelled over to Angela who ducked behind me, nodding before they met mine again. "Alright, I guess I'll just have to settle for sitting with you in Photography." She said, smiling that beaming smile of hers again.

"How will you ever cope until then?" I asked sarcastically.

She placed a hand over her heart. "It will be a struggle but I _think_ I'll manage." With that, she giggled and danced off back to her table.

Angela shook her head with a smile and led me over to her table that was full of people. "Guys, this is Bella; I invited her to eat with us. Bella, this is Ben, Jessica, Eric, Mike, Lauren, and Tyler."

And like I suspected, all their eyes travelled to the thick plastic band around my wrist, what I didn't expect though, was Ben to nudge a chair out with his knee and nodded at it. It was next to him. "Hey," He greeted with a lopsided grin.

"Hi." I murmured, looking up to catch the friendly smile Eric gave me and Jessica's outstretched hand. "Hi."

She wildly shook our hands. "I'm Jessica, well, you already know that, obviously, but we actually have English together. I sit a couple rows back." That's why she looked familiar. "You should totally move to the back with me, Steven is like, so boring."

"Er, sure." I replied, sitting back as everyone started up their conversations again. Every now and then one of them would look over at me curiously, or their eyes would travel back to the wrist band, but Ben seemed to be the only one in the school, other than Alice, who was perfectly content with me. He didn't mind one way or another and quickly launched into the topic of Dragon Age, which I had heard a lot about surprisingly. I had seen a bunch of commercials and trailers for it on youtube and had really wanted to play it. Ben took the liberty of filling me in on this and that and invited me over to his place to check it out.

With great reluctance, I had to decline. My session with Carlisle was that evening, but asked him if tomorrow would work. Eric said he'd pick me up on the way because he was hanging out with Ben tomorrow as well and he lived close to me.

The rest of the day flew by after that until Photography. Since I was behind in that class, the teacher had asked Alice to teach me the basics and help me through everything I had missed. The first day was just teaching me little things about the camera, pictures, and measurements. Today Alice had taken me to the dark room in the back where the photos were developed, teaching me how to mix the chemicals that the pictures were put in before being hung up. And boy was that a lot of work. Alice made it fun though and we joked around, talking and just hung out back there mostly. By the end of the class, we had only done half a dozen pictures, much less than the usual thirty two.

But that class ended all too early as well and soon I was walking back home to put my stuff away and chill until Charlie got there. Once he did, he had a quick shower while I munched on small snacks and watched the TV. Then I was off once more, being dropped off at the hospital and made my way to Carlisle's office.

I really hoped he just wanted to sit there and talk because after that day, I was exhausted.

Carlisle smiled a friendly smile at me as I sunk lower in the comfy, cushioned chair. "Good evening, Bella. How are you?"

My shoulders rose and fell in a lazy shrug. "Meh. Alright, I suppose."

He nodded, sitting back in his own chair and grabbed a pen, clicking it. His office seemed stereotypical, but strangely enough, suited him. His walls were filled with shelves and shelves of books, his desk a dark oak covered in papers, all in neat piles, and a lamp. Surprisingly, there was no computer, like most offices today. "So, why don't we start by you telling me why you're here, Bella."

My brows furrowed. "Shouldn't you know? Don't you have, like, notes or something from my last doctor?"

"Yes, but I'd like to know your opinion on the matter. Your words, not his." He replied.

With a sigh, I ran a hand through my hair. "Fine. I… I have Schizophrenia." I knew he'd want me to elaborate and I shifted in my seat, biting my lip. "And I…god, this is going to sound lame…I hear and see…ghosts. Dead people." The Sixth Sense really made it hard for anyone at my old hospital to take me seriously. "I've got a pain in my head, severe pain and trauma… but no wounds. No causes. They said the pain was just in my head as well, just part of my…psychological disorder."

Carlisle was writing away furiously, his face thoughtful. "And you've had Schizophrenia all your life?"

One of the few questions my last doctor didn't bother asking. All he cared about was if I had it or not. He mostly focused on trying to get rid of it, not understanding it, or how it happened.

"No," I replied, and Carlisle seemed shocked. Most people with Schizophrenia generally had it all their lives, or at least had the gene from heredity, later triggering it. I had neither. "I, er, developed it after a car accident. I was five and my mom was taking me to the mall when someone ran their red light. They got the back of the car on the opposite side of where I was sitting, but my head smashed through the window. Technically I was dead. My heart stopped beating for three and a half minutes, and then I was in a coma for a month after that. When I woke up, the pain wouldn't stop and…well, I saw them."

He continued writing for a minute before looking back up. "I'm sorry about the accident, Bella." Again, surprisingly enough, he seemed genuine, even if he didn't know me. "And your last medication didn't work."

I shook my head. "Nope. The only thing that seems to work is alcohol. Numbs the pain and blocks out the voices and images. Ironic, that I'm only sane with pissed drunk." I chuckled.

And so for the rest of the session, I spoke with Carlisle about this and that. What my last doctor did and asked, how I felt about different things, Carlisle's own plans on my treatment. By the time we were done, it was dark out, and I was yawning like mad.

Carlisle walked me to his office door, chuckling softly at my last comment. "Well I'll see you in three days, Bella. Have a good night."

"You t-ung." Grunting, I watched the room spin, reaching out to steady myself. Carlisle helped me while I waited for my gut to sit and the painful cloud in my head to clear.

Carlisle's face was concerned as he looked at me. "Are you alright, Bella? You look pale and your heart is hammering."

How did he know my heart was hamm-

_"Code blue. We need a crash team in room 205. Code blue."_

Carlisle frowned, looking away from the PA system and back to me. "I'm sorry, Bella. That's me. Are you alright, do you need me to send someone up here for you?"

I shook my head. "No, you go help whatever a code blue is. I'm good. Just tired."

He hesitated before nodding, zipping off down the hall while I ran a hand through my hair and started for the elevator. Poking the button to my floor, I took off my glasses and pressed my palms gently against my eyes, sighing. Stupid headaches. Might as well have an ice pick sticking out of my forehead all the time, from all that pain.

Charlie was there, waiting for me as I stepped out of the hospital, holding up a bag of what I assumed was supper. With a painful grin, I got in the car, wanting nothing more than to grab a bottle and head to bed.

Hopefully tomorrow would be better.

**Much shorter than the first chapter, I know. Sorry about that, but I wanted to get this one up and get some feedback. I'll try to make the next one longer.**

**Review please.**

_**The Nervous Rambler.**_


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or anything familiar. Look for a more detailed disclaimer at the bottom.**

**Rated: T. **

**Author: The Nervous Rambler.**

**Summary: AU. AH. A/B E/J Em/R. 'Why won't you let me help you, Bella?' 'Because you can't help me unless you believe me!'**

"Earth to Bella. Come in, Bella. Do you read? Over."

My head whipped up and around as I blinked furiously, trying to shake the thoughts from my head that had me so distracted. "Huh?" I asked, looking at Ben curiously. My eyes then travelled down to the heavy thing in my hands, widening as I looked at my camera for photography class. With a start, I realized that was the class I was in. "What are you doing in my class?"

Ben looked at me like I was crazy, cocking his head to the side. "Dude, I'm not. It's my spare. You wanted to take a picture of me working on the mural here. Any of this ringing a bell?" He asked slowly.

He was standing in front of the back wall of the gym, which was made entirely of big fat bricks and completely white. There was an assortment of art supplies on the pavement by Ben, who was wearing his beanie (though this one was covered in paint splatters) and a big apron (also covered in paint splatters). Ben was an artist and really had the look going for him as well; the torn jeans, wrist bands, lip ring, and converse. Almost stereotypical, but it worked for him. Especially when looking at him how he was now; with a giant paint brush in one hand and a can of spray paint in the other.

And he was right. I did ask him if I could take a picture of him while he was working (Ben made cash by doing murals all over Forks and in Seattle as well). "Right, sorry. Just kind of zoned out there for a second; forgot where I was."

Ben pursed his lips, his eyes full of concern. "You alright? Maybe I should take you to the nurse?" He asked, going to set his stuff down.

"Nah," I quickly shook my head and waved him off. "I'm good, don't worry. Happens all the time." He hesitated before nodding and smiling again. Ben was a good guy; I had been here only a week but already were great friends. He'd come over to my house or I'd be at his a lot. Charlie even thought we were dating for a while until I made it perfectly clear that I wasn't interested in Ben like that. Angela on the other hand… And Ben even might have let it slip that he had eyes for her too.

"Now get back to work; this picture isn't going to take itself." I smirked, holding the camera up to my face. He chuckled before doing as instructed and I took a couple pictures. One of them I had to re-do though, because when I got up close to get a face shot of his concentration; he smirked and stuck his tongue out at me. "Ben!"

"Just for that, we're putting it in the portfolio, Ben." Alice's win chime voice said behind us.

I didn't feel so bad about jumping and squealing like a little girl since Ben did too. He also dropped his paint brush to clutch his heart, looking at me with wide eyes before turning around. "Damn, Alice. You got me good."

"She does that." I muttered, trying to calm myself down as well and fight off a smile.

Rolling her eyes, Alice looked at us sceptically. "Yes, that's the plan. A mass murder of the entire town of Forks via surprise."

Ben laughed again, shaking his head. My own lips pulled up into a smile mirroring Alice's as she beamed at us. Her hair was different today, down instead up up, her bangs off to one side with a yellow headband in it. It really matched her golden eyes that looked darker today for some reason, more of an almost glowing amber. Trippy. Was that real or was it the alcohol? Her shirt was also yellow, her pants skin tight and black, with big yellow heels that made her as tall as me. She looked like a bumble bee today and it made my heart beat a little faster.

"Not again, _focus_, Bella." Ben said, waving his hand in front of my face.

Scowling, I slapped his hand away. "I _am_ focused. Jeesh."

"You were staring hard enough then." He retorted before his eyebrow rose, realization dawning on his face while Alice looked through all the shots I had taken. Realization about what, I didn't know. He hummed, looking back over to Alice and then to me. "How interesting."

"Care to share?" I asked, sickly sweet.

He chuckled again and shook his head. "Later, when you come over for a Left 4 Dead marathon, hm? Charlie's invited too; my mom is making roast." He said, crouching down to rummage through one of the duffle bags. "And I got your sweater here somewhere…the one with the skull… Eve was tempted to steal it…" He continued murmuring things as he dug around for it, huffing and setting the spray paint down so he could use both hands.

Alice was frowning when I looked back to shrug at her. "What?"

She shook her head, her smile feeble. "Nothing. You could have told me you two were dating."

Ben and I groaned at the same time and Alice looked at us curiously. "We're not. Not even close. Ben and I just have a lot in common; we like to hang out. He's actually into Angela." I whispered extremely loud, enough for him to hear us and glare at me. "She won't tell; Alice is excellent at keeping secrets."

Said girl stiffened, her eyes shooting to mine with an apprehensive look. "What do you mean? What secret?"

I held up my hands in front of me, stepping back. "Calm down, man. It was a joke. No need to get testy." I said quickly. Holy.

Her brows furrowed. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be…testy."

Before I could reply, a sweater was tossed in my face and I started the task of trying to find my way out of it. "Don't worry, Bella has a habit of _making_ people testy." Ben said and I could hear the grin in his voice.

"You're lucky I'm lost or I would kick your ass, Ben." I threatened, trying to pull the sweater off my face. "'Kay, seriously. I need help."

Even her damn giggles sounded like bells and chimes. Soon Alice's cool, little fingers were gently pulling the sweater off of me and fixing my hair. She adjusted my beanie, a sweet smile playing at her lips. "Silly, Bella."

I cleared my throat, looking away quickly. "Er, thanks." My eyes found Ben's. "And you, you little stinker, just for that we're going to be playing expert."

His face fell as a pout began to grow. "Come on, I'm sorry, okay?" Ben wasn't good enough to play expert like I was; hunters always got him and the computer players wouldn't help him. Neither would I. So he always ended up dead and watching me play forever. "It's no fun." He huffed.

Alice just shook her head. "I'll never understand the fascination of video games. You two are worse than Emmett."

"That's your biggest brother, right?" I asked curiously, shoving my hands into my pockets.

"Yes, and you would know that if you just agreed to have lunch with us one of these days. I _promise_ Rosalie won't bite you." She said, a small smile. I had finally agreed to sit with them but when I was following Alice over there the other day, I caught Rosalie's glare, and had been putting it off ever since then.

My brows furrowed. "_Or_ maybe we could just invite Emmett over as well?" I asked Ben who faltered.

"A… A Cullen. At my house? Do you guys even go to other people's houses? It's unheard of! Someone tell the others of this scandalous event!" He said, mocking Lauren and just about everyone else and _their_ fascination with the Cullens. "Yeah, sure, if he wants. Tell him to bring snacks though."

Alice was hiding behind her hand as she giggled furiously. "You even did Lauren's hand wave while you spoke." She said, laughing harder as I chuckled. Ben just grinned, turning back to his mural. "I'll give Emmett the message and your number, Bella. He'll text you if he's going."

"What about you? Do you want to come?" I asked, trying to keep the hope from my voice.

She frowned though, so I already knew the answer. "No, I can't. I've got plans with Esme and Jasper. Sorry."

I shrugged it off, fiddling with the camera strapped around my neck. "No worries. We really should take some more pictures though, we're running behind."

**XXxxXXxxXX**

Ben's mom made a freaking awesome roast. Just saying. I could be biased though. Renee never cooked, well, never cooked well. Anything she ever made, always ended up burning. How does one even burn soup? All you have to do is heat it up! Anyways, Charlie wasn't much of a cook either. He liked to fish, yes, quite a bit, and then get Billy to fry that up with something for him to bring home during the weekends, but Charlie didn't cook. During the week, we had a lot of take out. I couldn't cook either. I wasn't bad at it or anything, because I made wicked grilled cheese sandwiches, but I couldn't actually cook meals. Never learned how. Back at the hospital, or asylum if we're being perfectly honest, patients weren't allowed to do that kind of thing. Stoves are dangerous, and patients were not to touch them. That was a golden rule. A golden, nonsense rule. Who leaves stoves just laying around in the open? It's not like we were allowed to wander into the kitchens.

Back to my point though. _Freaking_ awesome roast. I savoured every bite and took two helpings, much to the amusement of Ben's little sister, Eve. Eve, who looked almost nothing like Ben. They shared the same eyes, and that was about it. Eve had her mother's hair, very long and so blonde it looked white. It was adorable. She looked like a little elf when she tucked it behind her ears. And she was such a cute little munch kin who liked to push Ben's buttons, but he still adored her. Everyone did. She was a diabolical little five year old, but she had the most innocent face and polite manners that you couldn't _not_ love her.

"You should take some roast home for Chief Swan, Bella." Ben's mom said, standing and started collecting dishes while Ben's dad wandered off to the living room. Psshaw. Men.

I grabbed Eve's plate and stacked it on mine and Ben's, bringing them to the kitchen behind her. "I'd be more than happy to take some home, but I can't promise Charlie will get any." I laughed. These would make killer sandwiches later on. Little bit of mayo, and a tad of pepper… Yum.

She just laughed and shooed me from the kitchen, saying that guests don't do the dishes, even when I protested. "I'll put the container of roast in the fridge and you can grab it before you leave, alright?" She called after me.

"Thanks.!" I called back, narrowly missing stepping on Eve who was skipping by. "Where are you off to, elf?" I asked.

Eve grinned wickedly at me. "I'm going to go look for Alice in here." She said, holding up one of Ben's year books. "Ben told me to tell you that." She said, and skipped back off.

"Eve's about to become an only child." I muttered, glaring as I made my way down the hall towards Ben's room. He was laughing, sprawled out on his bed. "You little son of a-"

"Uh, uh, uh, Bella. These walls are mighty thin. Wouldn't want Eve to hear that foul language, would you?" He said and I growled, making him laugh harder. "Don't worry; your secret is safe with me."

"There is no secret! You're just making stuff up, you crazy little… crazy."

He lifted an eyebrow. "Says the girl with the mental health hospital band still on her wrist." He shot back with a smirk. He knew I wasn't sensitive about it. Well, not overly sensitive. He never pushed the jokes farther than that really. Keeping them funny instead of rude. "I'm not judging you, man. You've got good taste." He grinned. "And she seems to like you – you're the first one any of them has taken an interest in and spoken more than two words to."

"Can we drop this?" I sighed, rubbing my forehead. "Have you seen my water bottle?"

He pursed his lips, looking around his room. "We just beat the first campaign and you took a swig… ah, and set it there." He pointed to his dresser and the bottle on the corner of it. "You sure drink a lot of water; like it's going out of style,"

Shrugging, I took a large gulp. "Maybe it is." I grinned back.

"Ben! Bella! You got a guest!" Ben's dad hollered.

Ben and I looked at each other with confused faces before stepping into the hall. Ben snorted, looking over at me as we walked to the front door. "You think that's Emmett?"

I shrugged again. "He said he might stop by."

He was right, it _was_ Emmett. The largest Cullen. The massive, bear of a boy was standing in the front door, towering over Ben's dad who was pretty tall guy. Emmett's hair was pretty dark, not nearly as dark as Alice's, but close, and slicked back, with a few rebellious curls sticking up. That, with the dimples he got as he grinned, gave his a very boy-ish look. His eyes were just as golden as the rest of their family's, and his skin just as pale. His arms looked more like tree trunks, the sweater he was wearing was straining over them, and threatening to rip.

As good as his word, Emmett had a big bag of munchies and snacks in each hand. He grinned at us when he saw us, holding them up like they weighed nothing. Probably did, to him. "Sorry I missed supper, got stuck in traffic." He laughed, a deep booming voice.

Ben shrugged. "No worries, come on, the room's this way." He beckoned, turning and heading back to his room.

Emmett paused when he reached me, switching one the bags to his other hand to shake mine. "Alice has said a lot about you, Bella."

"Whatever It was, I didn't do it and no one can prove it." I replied with a smirk. Emmett let out another booming laugh. I shook my head, turning for Ben's room. "Let's go kill some zombies, shall we?"

"We shall." He agreed.

Later that night, we figured out Emmett was a freaking pro at all the games we played. Not to brag or anything, but Ben and I were kind of amazing at them two. So it was a relief, because the two of us were worried we'd have to play on the easier levels and go slow for Emmett. _So_ not the case. And he was a fun guy, too. He made jokes nearly every time he opened his mouth, making Ben and I laugh until we couldn't breathe often and we'd end up dying in the game because we were so distracted. Emmet wrinkled his nose and gave me a funny look every time I took another swig of my drink, just like Alice did, and I wondered if she somehow figured out what was in there and told Emmett. He didn't comment on it though, nor did he eat any of the snacks he brought over with him, which was odd because he had said he missed dinner 'cause of traffic.

Ben didn't seem to notice.

The more time I spent around them, the more I realized that the Cullens were… different.

**XXxxXXxxXX**

**I was going to make this longer, I swear, but it's already been so long since I updated. I apologize, guys, I've been busy with other stuff. I'll try to be quicker next time.**

**Review?**

_**The Nervous Rambler**_


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or anything familiar. Look for a more detailed disclaimer at the bottom.**

**Rated: T. **

**Author: The Nervous Rambler.**

**Summary: AU. AH. A/B E/J Em/R. 'Why won't you let me help you, Bella?' 'Because you can't help me unless you believe me!'**

The ticking of a clock somewhere off in the room behind me was in rhythm with each beat of my heart. Or pretty damn close, at least. As far as I could tell. I could be wrong though; it wasn't like I could hear my own heartbeat, I could just feel it. But it felt pretty in sync with the clock.

Sighing at the ridiculous thoughts that started piling up in my head about clocks and heart beats, I sunk lower in my chair, bouncing my knee up and down in intervals of three. A nervous habit I had picked up over the years, though I wasn't nervous about anything. I was more… anxious, really. Anxious and kind of pissed, actually. With another, annoyed, sigh, I sat up straighter and started chewing on my thumb nail.

Carlisle's golden eyes, that reminded me of Alice _way_ too much for comfort right then, regarded me curiously, like one would observe an experiment; curious to the outcome. And that just pissed me off more; I didn't like people looking at me like I was something to study. I hated it. Sensing this –or maybe my glare tipped him off-, Carlisle looked away to his notebook and started jotting notes down. Some of his blonde hair fell in his eyes, his hand absently reaching up and running through the blonde locks and get them back out of his face. His skin was also pale like Alice's, _just_ like Alice's.

How could two people be so similar and not related? It didn't add up.

"So, Bella, how are you feeling?" Carlisle asked in his smooth, calm voice, shattering the silence. Almost silence, really, since the lock was still ticking in the background.

Also, us breathing was bound to make a noise, no matter how quiet. What was that saying again? If a tree falls in the forest but no one is around to hear it, does it still make noise? Could that be applied here? Or was it just- "Pissed off, thanks." I grumbled, pulling my beanie down farther on my head, tapping my foot. "Why is your office in the hospital? Isn't there some kind of psychologist and psychiatrist building like place around here?"

"I take it you don't like hospitals, do you?" He asked and I furiously shook my head. "Why is that?"

"I don't know. I mean… I guess because if you add up how long I was in that asylum with the amount of trips and days I had to spend in regular hospitals during my childhood, then I've spent almost half my life in one."

"I can see how that would put a damper on your attitude towards this place, yes." Carlisle murmured, writing more things down. "How long has it been since you've taken alcohol into your system?"

My mind whirled as I thought back. "Lunch time, I think. No, Alice was talking to me during lunch about our portfolio. Third period."

"Have you seen or heard anything yet?" He asked curiously. I shook my head. "What about the pain in your head, have you felt it?"

My brows furrowed. "A slight throbbing. Nothing much yet though. I've still got traces of my buzz. The second those are gone though; everything's going to hit me hard." Carlisle nodded, writing more down. I awkwardly cleared my throat, shifting in my seat. "So, uh, you haven't…uh, maybe told Alice anything. Have you?"

Carlisle shook his head, his smile warm when he looked up. "No. My family and, most of Forks now because you chose to not hide that which I think was a good idea, know that you are diagnosed with Schizophrenia and that you are in my care. Other than that; no one knows anything else. Doctor-patient confidentiality prohibits me from saying anything to anyone, even my family."

I sighed in relief. "Good. Okay, good."

"Why are you worried about other people knowing the specifics, may I ask?"

My shoulders rose and fell. "I don't want her-them to know I'm a whack job who sees and hears things."

"Bella, you're not-" Carlisle began in his gentle reprimanding voice.

"I know, I know. I was kidding." I scowled. "I just want to keep the details quiet, you know? It's personal-"

"_Well isn't your glow marvellous."_

"Things I don't want…anyone…knowing…" I trailed off, shivering as the whisper made its way to my ear. The throbbing in my head increased to more of a deep pressure, like someone was poking my brain, and I winced.

"Are you alright, Bella?" Carlisle asked, sitting straighter in his seat, looking concerned.

I waved him off. "Fine; just, uh, more of a headache." I replied shakily.

"_It's brighter than most of the ones I've seen."_

"How long does it usually take before you're in this much pain? How long before the other symptoms surface?" He asked, picking up his pen again with a pondering look.

My hands started to tremble as I looked down at them, quickly clenching them into fists and looking up to Carlisle. "A c-couple hours. This is… I think this is normal though." I replied.

"_None of them are as pure though, my dear. How very interesting."_

It was definitely a woman's voice. She sounded older, not old old though, and her voice was kind. That didn't change the fact that it was a voice that didn't exist and that I wasn't supposed to be hearing, though. Biting my lip, I glanced around the room, looking for any signs of… I don't even know…

"_I can smell liquor on you though. Tsk, tsk. Does your mother know you drink, honey?"_

"Yes." I whispered, my eyes still searching.

Carlisle's brows furrowed. "Pardon me?"

"N-n-nothing." I hastily said.

He looked more alert now, glancing around. "Bella, do you see something?"

My whole body was shaking now as I went to deny. "No, I just…I-" My eyes grew twice in size as I saw a pale, nearly translucent hand materializing in the back corner of the room.

"_Tell him, dear. Carlisle can help you."_

"She knows your name." I whispered fiercely, watching the hand turn into an arm. Carlisle jolted to his feet, standing in my view of the arm, his eyebrows that were once raised in astonishment were now furrowed. "What?" I asked, looking behind me quickly to see if something was there before looking back to him.

He slowly shook his head. "No…I… I thought your eyes… it must have been the light reflecting off of them oddly."

Hell no, it wasn't the light. Something was happening; my headache was getting worse, like someone was banging on drums in my skull, my heart was pounding like there was no tomorrow, and I couldn't keep my hands still. _"What's your name, child?"_

"No!" I screamed, covering my ears. I was better! I had been doing so good! I hadn't seen or head them in one and a half years all because of the medication and the drinking. "No more sober sessions!" I yelled, jumping out of my chair and whipping the door to Carlisle's office open. He called my name, stepping around his desk to try and stop me, but I was already racing down the hallway like I was running for my life. I could still hear him calling my name as I wrenched the stairwell door open and started taking them two at a time to the ground floor.

But since I had only stayed for half of the session, Charlie wasn't in the cruiser waiting for me out in the parking lot like usual. It didn't matter though, I still sprinted off across the parking lot in the direction of the house; I was more afraid of the - hallucinations? - or whatever they were than of the dark. _"What's wrong, sweetie?"_

"You're not real!" I breathlessly said, furiously wiping at my eyes and the tears leaking from them as I ran, cutting across someone's lawn. A part of me, a small part of my rational and calm side of my brain, was amazed that I hadn't tripped on nothing yet and cracked my head open.

_"If I weren't real, than how can you see me?"_

"I-I…" I shook my head. "You're not real. A figment of my imagination. An illness symptom."

There was a sigh and I felt a shiver go down my spine. Do hallucinations sigh? _"I'll be here when you're ready to talk, honey. I've got time and I think you really need to hear what I've got to say if you think you're sick."_

Some of the pressure left my head, enough for the pain to dull back down to a throb, and I felt my shoulders heave with a relieved sigh as I slowed down to a jog, panting like mad. Mustering up as much courage as I could, I chanced a glance around me, looking for the translucent skin of a hallucination, but found none. I nervously cleared my throat. "H-Hello?"

No answer.

And my hands had finally stopped trembling. I groaned, running them through my hair as I blinked back more tears and swallowed the lump in my throat. What did this mean? What the _hell_ was happening to me?

The rest of the jog back to Charlie's house was more or less numb. I focused on keeping my feet underneath me and my eyes ahead of me, while holding in my sobs of frustration. I was a sweating, panting mess when I reached the front door, kicking off my shoes as I entered and headed straight for the kitchen. Charlie was there with his keys in hand, one boot on his foot, and a look of surprise on his face. "Bells! What - Dr. Cullen just called me and told me what happened; I was about to head out and pick you up. Are you okay? Did you see something? I - Do you need something?"

I couldn't have answered then even if I wanted to. So, I did what I could, and grabbed the first bottle of alcohol I could find in the fridge and ran up to my room, slamming the door closed and started chugging. With a shaky, nervous sigh, I sunk to the floor on the other side of my door, staring out at the sky out my window.

I had to hear what she said if I thought I was sick?

Did that mean I wasn't sick?

Silent tears slipped down my cheeks as I whacked my head back against the door, squeezing my eyes shut. Of course the hallucination would say that. It's not like it was going to tell me I was sick and seeing things and then proceed to tell me how to stop and get better.

But…

"It's not real, Bella. It's not _real_." I growled under my breath, bringing the bottle to my lips again.

**XXxxXXxxXX**

**So this might very well be the shortest chapter, but I've got an idea, man. Level with me here.**

**Would you all prefer shorter chapters like this but more frequent updates?**

**Or would you prefer less frequent but longer chapters?**

**Lemme know.**

**And review! **

_**The Nervous Rambler**_


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or anything familiar. Look for a more detailed disclaimer at the bottom.**

**Rated: T. **

**Author: The Nervous Rambler.**

**Summary: AU. AH. A/B E/J Em/R. 'Why won't you let me help you, Bella?' 'Because you can't help me unless you believe me!'**

_The small, little blue two door car raced down the highway, following the line of traffic. There was nothing extraordinary about this day for anyone other than myself. It was just another sunny day in Phoenix; bright blue skies, a light breeze cooling off the overheated people scurrying about on their daily routines. The grass was just as green as it was the previous day. Gas the same price. Not a thing was different, out of the norm, everything was just the same. Just the usual._

_For me, however, this day would change my life forever. For this day, this regular day, was the day I died._

"_Charlie!" Renee screamed, her blue eyes growing wide as she looked out her window. Her body reacted on its own, already leaning away from the door, bracing and tensing itself for the impact, her heart hammering away in her chest, tears springing to her eyes. "Bella, move!" She screamed again, trying to look around to the backseat of the car._

_Charlie, glancing over at his yelling wife, screamed as well, his low, gruff voice raising a couple octaves. Instincts kicked in and he reached in the back seat of the car, his fingers brushing against his oblivious daughter's arm._

_An explosion of glass and noise sent the back end of the car spinning out, whipping around and around. The child in the backseat didn't even have time to register the pain before her eyes fluttered shut, crimson red liquid soon trailing down the front of her face._

_I watched on with a grave face as the small car finally came to a screeching halt. The semi, still skidding to a stop with the driver slamming his foot on the brakes, stopped a good dozen yards away. The rest of the traffic on the highway all skidded to a stop as well, swerving and turning to avoid the wreckage._

_People jumped out of the cars to run over and try and help the unconscious people still motionless in the car. A young man with a goatee covering his face pried open the passenger seat door, catching the brunette woman who spilled out and carried her over to the side of the road, gently laying down. "Call 911!" He barked out. "Take off your shirt and roll it into a ball, I need something to support her neck." He said to the man who was standing beside him, waiting to help._

_The young, off duty paramedic raced back to the car after deducing that the woman's injuries were minor; a concussion, a dislocated shoulder, broken lag, and a sprained wrist. He got to his feet, running back over to the car, climbing into the passenger seat to get better access to the man. A woman was on the other side of the car, opening the door gingerly. "Is he okay?"_

_Charlie stirred, mumbling incoherent things. "…ella…" He whispered. His chocolate brown eyes fluttered open, gazing at the woman. "Bella…"_

_A gasp fell from the woman's lips as she looked into the backseat for this man's…daughter? This Bella, girl. "Oh god… Help! Help her! Somebody help her!" She started screaming._

_The paramedic looked into the backseat, cursed. He got back out and brought the seat forward, climbing into the back and hastily unclipped the little girl's belt buckle. Her chest was rising and falling slowly, too slowly, and not in a steady rhythm. She would stop breathing on her own soon; a collapsed lung, maybe both. His fingers gently touched her neck, feeling around to make sure nothing was broken there. He took a deep breath and then slowly, as gently as he could, slid his arms under her to pick her up._

_I winced, my back throbbing as I watched on, standing beside the unconscious Renee on the ground._

_He walked over beside me, laying the little girl on the ground. Sirens could be heard in the distance, but she wouldn't make it. He already knew that. I knew it. The little girl's arm was broken in two different places, her hip fractured, her shin cracked, only one lung collapsed though, with five broken ribs. And that was all not counting the small, but long shard of window jabbed in the side of her head, blood still steadily seeping from it._

_Absently, I reached up, my fingers running and searching through my brown locks to find the scar. I shivered, feeling the raised skin of the scar, and quickly shoved my hands into my pockets, watching on._

_An ambulance pulled up by the car where the woman was trying to keep Charlie still and calm. "Over here!" The paramedic called as two more jumped out the back of the ambulance. The three got to work quickly, trying to stabilize the little girl, hooking this and that up to her. Bloody hands worked quick to put a brace around her small neck, holding her steady, while another two pairs lifted her onto a stretcher. "Pulse is fading." The female paramedic murmured, her bloody fingers held to the wrist of the little girl._

_With fascination and numb shock, I watched as the little chest didn't rise again._

"_We're losing her!"_

"_Hand me the paddles!"_

"_She's gone…"_

"_The paddles – give me them now!"_

_I jumped when he shocked the little girl, feeling it run through my body, the electricity exploding in my chest, clutching at my heart._

"_Again!"_

_The little girl's body spasmed, struggling to suck in more air as its chest shakily rose again. "We've got a pulse."_

_My eyes were transfixed, full of awe and wonder._

"_It's fading again… gone…"_

"_Up the watts, give her a shot of adrenaline, and get me an oxygen tube." The paramedic barked out as they climbed into the ambulance, watching the girl convulse._

_Death and Life. It was like she was playing jump rope with the line that separated the two. The life gone from her body one moment and back the next, like two people playing tug of war with her essence. I watched in rapt attention as her aura flickered, a brilliant shining gold shimmering around her, flickering and so bright. I almost couldn't look at it – it - it was so pure._

"_Stabilized. She's breathing again." The female said, adjusting the oxygen tube in the little girl's mouth._

_I could feel it; thick and wide, sliding down my throat-_

Gagging, I sprang up in my bed, panting and sweating still. Blindly, I reached out for my glasses, slipping them on and looked to the alarm clock on the bedside table.

4:02 AM.

I had only been asleep for thirteen minutes.

Groaning, I lay back down with a sigh, running my hand through my hair that was moist with sweat. I hated that dream. Hated it more than I hated Mike's attempts at getting me to go out with him, which was a lot. It was a burning, fierce, passionate hate I had for that dream.

It wasn't enough that I had to live all of that, no, I also had to have it thrown back in my face over and over again. I couldn't go a whole month without the dream. It was obvious why I was having it this time. That woman, she had mentioned a glow-

No, bad, Bella, stop thinking about that. It was just your mind taking pieces of your dream and bringing them forth into your consciousness. Just forget about it.

With another sigh, I got up and stumbled down the hall to the bathroom. Most everything was spinning, and it took three tries before I could turn the light on. I was wasted, I knew that much.

The lights momentarily blinded me when I entered the bathroom and shut the door, squinting. My body felt like it was on fire though, and I slunk over to the sink in the counter, turning on the cold water to splash my face. It soothed my over heated flesh, letting my body relax, and after ten minutes, I finally turned it off and wiped my face off, putting my glasses back on.

Unable to stop myself, just like every other time, I pulled off my shirt and turned so I could see the right side of my back, grimacing. Even more pale than the rest of my skin, angry, raised scars were there. A group of small ones closer to my hip from the metal crunching me there in the accident, longer ones from more glass and metal shards jutting out from the semi and the car, stabbed into my skin higher up. It wasn't a whole lot of scars, not really, but still. Too many for my liking. Hell, _one_ was too many. The worst one of all though, was on my front. A long, jagged, upraised scar over my ribs. It was probably almost two inches long, from where part of the semi's grill snapped and shot off, piercing my lung, forcing it to collapse in the process.

With an angry huff, I pulled my shirt back on and sat down on the edge of the tub, my face in my hands.

There was no hope of getting any more sleep tonight.

**XXxxXXxxXX**

"And what happened to _you_?" Angela asked, stepping backwards as the lunch line moved along.

We hadn't seen each other all morning, since I left early, probably before she even started her car so that I could drag my feet the entire way to school and still not be late for class. Finally, after managing to lose Jessica in the hall crowded with kids, I was free to go and find Angela, who had been huffing and puffing to herself while waiting for this blasted line to move. "I…had a very bad night." I replied, my voice rough and scratchy from sobbing most of the night.

"I'll say. You don't even have your hat." She commented, stepping backwards once more as the line shifted.

Any other day of the week, I wasn't any fashionista or anything of the sort. Not even close. But today… today fashion police wouldn't bother trying to arrest me; they'd shoot me on sight. I was wearing my beat up chucks with mismatching socks even, a pair of baggy sweats that had holes in the knees, a long form fitting tank top, though it was also stretchy and a very…faded, bland colour, with a black zip up hoodie over top and my backpack. I hadn't bothered with my hair that morning either and it was up in a messy bun, hidden beneath the hood, all topped off with my glasses that were hiding even more pale skin than usual and big black bags under tired eyes.

Beautiful.

"How was _your_ night?" I asked, semi sarcastically.

The corner of Angela's mouth curved up, a blush covering her cheeks as she looked away. "Ben _might_ have called me last night…"

"No way!" I gasped. "He finally manned up?"

Angela's eyes whipped back over to me. "You knew? You knew and didn't tell me?"

I held my hands up with a grin. "Don't blame me; blame the bro code."

"But you're not a bro!" She huffed.

"Angie, man, the code, get mad at the code, not me." I repeated.

She sighed an annoyed sigh but I could see amusement in those light eyes of hers. "Whatever. He asked me out this Friday. I'm so excited." I smiled back at her, happy for the two of them. They'd make a good couple. "So now all we need to do is convince you to ask Alice and we could make it a double date."

I rolled my eyes, internally cursing Ben for blabbing his big old mouth about stuff he didn't understand. "All fine and dandy, but I'm not into - _Alice_! Hey!" I gasped, freezing as the pixie skipped up to us.

Angela snorted and started laughing as Alice lifted an eyebrow. "Hey. Something funny going on?" She asked, looking at the taller girl curiously. Angela quickly sobered up and we both furiously shook our heads. "_Riiiight…_ Anyways, my dad sent this with me today so I could get your wrist tag off." She said, pulling a big doohickey out of her purse.

My brows furrowed as I started at it. "Oh!" I grinned, pulling my sleeve up to reveal the wrist band. "This thing?"

"Yes, that thing." Alice replied with a giggle. With a flick of her wrist and a push of a button, the wrist band slipped off into her free hand in a matter of seconds, like she had been doing that her whole life. "There you go."

"Thank you." I smiled, running my fingers along the now exposed skin. It was even _more_ pale than the rest. Jeeze, I might as well be albino.

She grinned, putting the doohickey back into her purse with a nod. "I mean this in the nicest way possible, Bella, but you look like crap."

"Thank you again." I replied dryly.

Angela chuckled. "Bella had a bad night."

"I can see that." Alice nodded in agreement, pursing her lips as her face turned concerned. "Is something wrong? Did something happen?"

My face scrunched up. "Your dad didn't tell you?"

Alice cocked her head to the side. "He can't, silly. Patient-Doctor confidentiality prevents him from being able to discuss anything."

Huh. I would have thought for sure he'd tell his family about _that_ little freak out.

Well…

Little relieved about that.

"Oh. Um, nothing bad happened. Not really. Nothing noteworthy. Just, uh, can you tell him I'm sorry for how I left?" I asked hesitantly. I felt bad for practically screaming at him and bolting out the door. He didn't deserve that. He was just trying to help me.

Alice nodded. "Sure. You're okay though, right?"

"I'm…fine. No worries." I replied with a reassuring smile. It felt fake even to me though and I knew Alice wouldn't buy it.

It got quiet then, and more than a little awkward. We all took another step as the line moved. Angela, who had been quiet for a while, cleared her throat. "So, Alice. Ben and I are going out on a date on Friday and we invited Bella along with us. Completely weren't thinking and now she's going to end up feeling like a third wheel. Care to join us? Make sure she doesn't feel that way? Keep her company if Ben and I, um, get distracted?" She asked with a wryly grin.

There was an audible _smack_ as my palm hit my face and I groaned. Smooth, Ange, real smooth.

Alice was giggling behind her pale hand when I hesitantly looked up and nodded. "Sounds like fun; I shall be your date for the night, Bella." She laughed.

"Awesome." I muttered, glaring sideways at Angela who was still grinning. "You're just as bad as Ben."

**XXxxXXxxXX**

Ben was laughing so hard his face was red and I was certain he was going to get a nose bleed. "Hahahaha, I knew I liked Angela for a reason!" He chuckled.

Glancing at Bed from the corner of my eye, I glared with an annoyed huff. "It's always the quiet ones you've got to keep an eye on. They're too busy scheming to talk and be social." I grumbled.

Ben just grinned wider, running a hand through his hair before pulling his beanie back on. "You can't deny that just a little part of you is excited about this." Just as I was about to deny it, he held up with hand an raised an eyebrow. "Oi. Don't even try to lie; I know you better than that, man."

"Fine. _Maybe_ I am _little_… intrigued about how the night will turn out." I conceded, keeping my voice as nonchalant as possible. His grin grew and I returned to my glare. "I hope it rains on you."

He was walking with me back to my house to chill for a while until his mom got back from Seattle with Eve. His dad was working late tonight, and he didn't feel like hanging around an empty house, so I invited him over.

Ben cocked an eyebrow again. "You are aware that if it rains on me, it will be raining on you as well, right?"

I scoffed. "Yeah, but I've got a hood."

We continued joking more on the way back to the house, talking about this and that. I was finally able to get back at him when I brought up the subject of his desires. A.K.A- Angela. He blushed like mad and wouldn't look me in the eye half he time, throwing his own glares at me whenever I started joking about it, until he finally started laughing as well.

We were having a good time, basically, until we were almost there.

Abruptly stopping, I grabbed my stomach. The world span for a second before becoming slightly blurry at the edges as my stomach flip flopped. It felt like someone had dumped a bucket of slime into my belly and I swayed for a second before Ben steadied me.

"Bella, are you okay?" He asked, looking at me with concern.

Nodding, I feebly smiled. "Must have been more surprise than stew at lunch." I joked, wiping the cold sweat from my forehead. "I'm fine; just a little queasy. Come on."

He hesitated for a second before nodding slowly, keeping close to me as we started off again. "You know, you don't look so good today. More pale than usual and those bags under your eyes are pretty dark."

"Rough night." I dismissed it.

He bit his lip, scrutinizing my face before giving a final nod. "Alright. If you say so." He caved, letting it go. A few moments later, he steered us in another direction. "Don't look."

"What?" I asked curiously, trying to look over my shoulder.

He just kept us walking in that slightly obscure direction. "Road kill. Don't look."

My stomach flopped again and I took his advice, not looking back again as a shiver ran down my spine.

**XXxxXXxxXX**

The next day was much better than the first, mainly because I didn't feel like death. No pun intended.

School had passed by in a fast blur, Angela and Ben talking more about the Friday coming up and where to go and what to do, and blah blah blah. I had been tempted to finally take Alice up on her offer of sitting with her family for lunch, but decided against it, remembering the little bump in I had in the morning with Edward.

Talk about a creeper.

He had been staring at me so hard that I thought he was trying to mentally light me on fire. Once Jasper pointed it out, Edward had been sheepish and very apologetic. But still. Creepy.

So I didn't feel like suffering through an awkward silence that would have created had I sat with them.

When the day ended, I had flopped down on the couch and turned on the TV, surfing for something good to watch. Two hours later I was in the same position, watching SpongeBob and Patrick jelly fishing and laughing to myself.

Feeling my phone vibrating in my pocket, I pulled it out and flipped it open. I assumed it was Charlie asking what I wanted to eat that night, or maybe Ben to ask me how to do something on Mass Effect 2, which I had leant him earlier that week. So imagine my surprise when Alice's light voice sounded through the phone.

"_Good evening, Bella."_

Cursing as I shot up to feel around the couch for the phone I had dropped, I also quickly muted the TV. "H-Hello?"

Alice was gigging on her end, obviously hearing my little fumble. _"How are you tonight?"_

"Er, good. Thanks. How are you?" I replied.

"_I'm good, thank you. I was just wondering if perhaps you wanted to work on our portfolio some more?"_ She asked curiously.

My brows furrowed. "Yeah, alright. Charlie isn't home yet and I've just been chilling here. You want me to come over to your place, or do you want to meet somewhere, or-"

"_Answer the door?"_ She giggled again.

I jumped when a knock sounded, hastily getting to my feet. My jaw dropped when I opened the front door to Alice who was still holding her phone to her ear, much like I was. "Well that was quick." I mumbled.

Alice's silky black spikes shook as she nodded with a grin. "Indeed."

"What if I had said no, that I was busy?" I asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Well then I would have had to ask _really_ nicely;" Her golden eyes widened, getting glassy as she jutted out her bottom lip slightly, her voice turning even softer than before. "Are you sure you don't want to work on the portfolio, Bella?"

"Good God…" I whispered. My resolve shatter, or would have had I had one. I was ready and waiting to follow any order, perform any request, answer any question that would fall from those lips. Imagine if she went to the white house, to the president with that weapon of mass destruction. The _horror_…

Her expression turned amused and slightly cocky as she grinned and winked at me. "I know, right?" She laughed.

"That was insane." I muttered, still slightly in awe.

Alice smirked. "Would you like another demonstration?"

"No! I'm still trying to get over it." I laughed, opening the door wider. "Come on in, you devious pixie."

She skipped into the house, spinning around and taking everything in, nodding once. "I like it. Very homey. Very you."

My brows furrowed once more as I scratched the back of my neck. "Er, thanks?" She just nodded again with another beaming smile. "The, uh, kitchen is to the right, the living room to the left, bedrooms and bathroom is up the stairs and down the hall. Mi casa, su casa."

Humming and rolling her eyes, Alice slid her sleek silver phone back into her pocket. "What an old line."

"Mom always did say I had an old soul." I replied with a smirk.

She laughed, shaking her head. "You're such a dork."

"Pssh. Yeah, but a cool dork."

Alice raised an amused eyebrow. "Is there such a thing?"

I pointed up to my face.

"Alright you cool dork, let's get to work."

**XXxxXXxxXX**

**Your chapter, messere. **

**Review and such forth please!**

_**The Nervous Rambler**_


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or anything familiar. Look for a more detailed disclaimer at the bottom.**

**Rated: T. **

**Author: The Nervous Rambler.**

**Summary: AU. AH. A/B E/J Em/R. 'Why won't you let me help you, Bella?' 'Because you can't help me unless you believe me!'**

**BELLA**

The absolute worst way to wake up.

This was _the_ absolute worst way to wake up. Not only was it still dark out, which meant it was only really late or _really_ early, but it was the worst also because I knew no one was _really_ there. And yet I could still feel their gaze on me, knew they were watching me. I contemplated on just turning onto my side and trying to get back to sleep; but this was a little too creepy to let slide. Watching people sleep without permission is just… creepy. _Especially_ if you don't know them well enough.

And I didn't know _anyone_ well enough to warrant them watching me sleep.

So heads were about to roll, man. I was going to tear whoever was watching me a new one. With a growl of annoyance, I sprang up into a sitting position with a massive scowl on my face, glaring over to the corner of my room. "What do you _want_ from me?" I snapped. Quietly though; I didn't want to wake up Charlie. And, you know, my headache was trying to kill me.

"_My, my, you are a crabby child, aren't you?"_ The woman said. I almost, _almost_, told her to keep her voice down or she'd wake my dad. Until I realized that she was not, in fact, real and that my buzz was completely gone so this was Miss Schizophrenia deciding to pop up and say hi again.

With a groan, I fell back against my mattress and stared up at the fuzzy ceiling. "You're not real. You're not real. You're not real." I chanted over and over under my breath, trying to will this…crazy out of me.

"_So you still think you're sick, honey?"_ She asked. I shivered as the air around the edge of my bed cooled down drastically, and could almost feel the bed dip, but I knew it hadn't. _"Who was that other girl that was over earlier? She seemed sweet as well."_

My eyes shot back open as I froze. How did she… "You… you mean Alice?"

"_Such a pretty name."_ She hummed.

This is getting weird. I can't believe I was actually _talking_ to this hallucination. I really _was_ crazy, after all. But maybe this was good, maybe this would help. Confront your crazy and it will go away right? Shouldn't the fear rule apply to this as well? They're both of the mind.

Biting my lip, I hesitated for a second, mulling the idea in my head. It's not like I'd get any _worse_ if I started talking to them. "She is sweet, and very nice."

"_And very pretty, though all her kind is. It's their unique differences that make them beautiful, I think. She must be in Carlisle's coven."_

"What are you talking about?" I questioned. Was my hallucination crazy too? Was that possible? "What's a coven?"

"_I've said too much already, honey. It isn't my place to tell others' secrets."_

Rolling my eyes, I turned onto my side. "Right, well, if you don't mind; I'd like to get some sleep before school tomorrow."

"_We still need to speak."_

"I could have sworn what we were doing is just that." I mumbled, pulling my covers up over my shoulder. "I've had my fill, thanks."

"_We need to talk about _you_, Bella."_ She said sternly.

Burrowing farther down in my warm blankets, I let out a sigh. "Pass."

She sighed as well. _"There's a storm coming in from the south and the wind knocked down a tree on your friend Angela's car; she won't be able to give you a ride tomorrow, so dress warm."_

Some of the pressure of my headache lifted and I shivered, wrapping my arms around myself as I tried not to think about just how weird all this was getting.

**XXxxXXxxXX**

"You know, I never see you eat your lunch, Alice. You play with your food a lot, but I've never seen you eat it." I mused as she followed me farther down the lunch line while I grabbed different things for my lunch. Angela had been a no show today so far and I was kind of freaking out on the inside, but I was saving the major freak out for when I found out why she hadn't been here yet. Don't want to jump the gun or anything.

Alice rolled her eyes, smirking while she bumped my hip with hers. "What are you trying to say? You think I'm anorexic?"

Snorting, I shook my head. "I'm saying you could be giving your delicious lunch to the hungry people like me, man. I like food." I grinned and she laughed, shaking her head at me.

Angela jumped up behind us, grinning. "Hey, thanks for saving my place in line." She said loudly as she discreetly cut the guy behind me. "This line is so long."

My brows furrowed. "Where've you been all day?"

She sighed, shaking her head. "You would not believe it. You know that storm that hit in the next state over? Well all this damn wind is because of that, and it blew a freaking tree down on my car-"

The lunch tray slipped from my hands, crashing down to the floor with a noisy clang and everyone turned to look who had the clumsy moment. Normally, I would have been blushing like a mad woman while I scrambled to clean everything up. I, however, was white as a ghost –no pun intended- and frozen to the spot, staring at Angela with wide eyes.

"Bella, what's wrong?" Alice asked, her features concerned and worried. "What happened? What's wrong?"

Angela was looking at me with a worried face as well. "Bella?"

That… that wasn't possible. I couldn't have known that, at all. I had been unconscious the whole time, and even if I wasn't; her house was a few down from mine. I couldn't have heard or seen that in the dark. So that meant it wasn't a hallucination using information from my head to trick me.

What… what…I…

…_You still think you're sick?_...

My chest filled with hope and dread at the aspect of _not_ being sick, of being sane.

But what did it mean if I wasn't sick? What the hell was this then? And why was it happening to me? Seeing ghosts, _actual_ ghosts? Like in the Sixth Sense. But I don't remember the boy ever being in pain because of it? Was that just me? Was I defective - wait!

Why am I using a fictional _movie_ as a standard to refer to?

"Bella?" Alice asked, her cool fingers wrapping gently around my wrist bringing me out of my thoughts. I looked up into her molten golden eyes that were full to the brim with concern and curiosity, surrounded by thick black lashes and almost hidden behind ink black locks of her hair that fell into her face. "Are you okay? What's wrong?" She asked quietly.

I shook my head. "I-I-I'm sorry. Just, um, just a clumsy moment. I've got to go clean up." I replied, looking down to the exploded pudding on the tray at my feet and the small chocolate splatters on my jeans at the knee, and a couple on the stomach of my Evanescence band Tee. "Excuse me." I murmured, stepping around them and quickly headed for the hallway.

It was mostly empty and I took comfort in the fact that the bathroom probably would be as well and it would give me privacy so I could freak out properly. I shoved the door to the girls' washroom open and looked under all the stalls before locking it. With a sigh, I slid off my backpack and dropped it on the floor by the sinks, grabbing each side of the porcelain sink in front of one of the mirrors to lean on.

Alright; calm down. I just needed to think.

Which was a lot easier said than done when you were filled with a numb cloud of alcohol.

Frustrated, I turned on the cold water tap and took off my black beanie and glasses, setting them on the edge of the next sink over. Hesitating, I splashed my face with cold water; knowing it wouldn't sober me up but maybe it would help some. After a minute or two, once I couldn't feel my nose anymore, I turned it off and rested the side of my face on the edge of the sink to stare at my glasses.

Okay. So, these are not hallucinations; that's all we know for sure at the moment.

That didn't necessarily mean I _wasn't_ sick.

But it _kind of_ did, seeing as those were the only symptoms they diagnosed me with.

So then maybe I _wasn't_ sick.

That was still iffy.

Sick or not though; there was still the pain. That wasn't imagined at all; there's no way that couldn't be real.

Even if the doctors are positive it isn't and is just in my head.

It wasn't though; how do you imagine it and turn it into physical pain?

That aside, what was left?

I was seeing…people. Dead or Alive; who knew? But the fact remained that I was still seeing them.

With a groan, I grabbed my glasses and beanie, leaning against the wall next to the sinks and slid down it to the flood. I pushed my glasses back on and fiddled with my beanie, biting my lip.

There was one thing I could do.

It wasn't a very good idea, but it was the only thing I could think of in this state.

I'd have to get sober.

Stop drinking.

If only to clear my head enough to think more, but mostly so I could talk to that woman who wanted to talk to me. I should at least hear what she has to say; right?

"This is going to hurt." I muttered under my breath, resigned and slightly defeated. There was no other option.

With that in mind, I pulled myself to my feet and quickly washed off the chocolate pudding, looking into the mirror to make sure I looked presentable and not like I almost freaked out. Or like I was drunk. Both of those would be bad.

It was damp out, surprise surprise, but when damp, my hair… it didn't get _curly_ but it did get wavy. Nice sometimes, but a pain others. Today it was only a little wavy and didn't look too bad, especially when I pulled on my black beanie. The dark purple circles under my eyes from the previous day were nearly gone; just a light tint of purple left, nothing anyone would see unless they were staring at my face forever. My eyes, normally a chocolate brown, seemed darker today, whether it was stress or whatever, but they looked almost black actually. Contrasted with my pale skin.

Luckily my shirt was black, so the wet spots where the chocolate was wouldn't be as noticeable and would dry soon, and I thanked whoever was listening that nothing splattered on the white sleeves of the long sleeved shirt I was wearing underneath; stains were a bitch to get out. My jeans were also dark wash, so the wet spots on my knee wasn't that bad either. The entire outfit topped off with my black converse and my black bag swung onto my back.

This would be fine for the, er, date later. Right?

"Right." I nodded to myself in the mirror before leaving to head to class.

**XXxxXXxxXX**

A car honked outside in the driveway, impatience etched in every short, sharp beep. I rolled my eyes, grabbing my phone and sent Angela a text telling her not to get her panties all twisted and that I would be right down.

Which was a lie, since I had been saying that for the past half an hour. She originally _had_ been inside the house with me, chilling on my bed and texting Ben while I surfed the web on my dinosaur of a computer. Angela was getting a little upset that I was taking so long to pry myself from the computer, and had stomped out of the house five minutes ago. Now she had taken to honking the horn ever thirty seconds that passed.

Now, I wasn't a rude person. Far from it; Charlie and Renee raised me right and proper.

However, I just _couldn't_ pull myself from the computer screen it seemed.

When I had gotten home, I had raced up the stairs to my room, slamming the door closed and booted up the old computer. Waiting around for ten minutes for it to start, I had been itching to go downstairs for a drink, but managed to refrain myself, and started up the web browser.

I hadn't been sure what to type into Google at first. I sort of just sat there for a while, looking at the white screen and the colourful letters. Then, like any other simpleton, I put in 'seeing ghosts' as that was the only thing I could think of to try.

Bad mistake on my part.

Links and pop ups bombarded me; articles on people claiming to see ghosts, forums talking about it, guides on how to summon them, all this different junk. None of it really helped me, seeing as I was most certain that I wasn't psychic. You've got to be psychic from birth; all in the genes and all that, right? This had only started after the accident.

There had been one word that had caught my eye though; having my pause and shiver.

_Necromancer._

So, with great hesitation, I searched it in Google.

That was about the time that Angela came over to get ready with me. Getting ready, for me, consisted of brushing my hair again and ditching the back pack. Angela had rolled her eyes and tossed a black wool coat at me, telling me it would make me look _almost dressy because this __**is**__ a date, Bella_.

When she had seen what I was searching up, after knocking me over and onto my bed to get passed me as I tried to block her, she had laughed at me. Assumption worked well for me a lot of the time and this was no excuse. She thought I was geek-ing out over a video game.

Totally could have been; most of the links that came up for _that_ were of video games. Or books. Some movies. Mostly video games though. One or two religions were tossed in there as well.

Then I started going through it all with a pad and paper while Angela had flopped back onto my bed. I picked out and wrote down everything that came up more than a few times, all the common stuff between everything, figuring that would _maybe_ be true, if any of it was at all. Who knew, right? These were books and games, _fiction_, made up concepts. But it was all fascinating, and I realized that I _really_ needed to restock my X Box collection and maybe buy a working computer 'cause some of these were just for the PC.

Another series of honks made me jump and I sighed, going to shut everything down. Pursing my lips, I clicked one more link, just to quickly scan, and stiffened.

It was a picture. Not of the video games or the sketches like all the others; this one was different for some reason. The site was odd too, but I couldn't take my eyes away from the picture. There wasn't a lot of detail, nothing really eye grabbing or shocking; nothing to warrant such a reaction from me, but still it seemed to strike me deep down to my very bones. A figure, down in a crouch; they were clad in dark robes with a hood and had a scarf covering half their face and neck, fingerless long gloves and leather boots with buckles, pouches on their belt along with things like daggers and vial looking things, smaller bags strapped across their chest and hanging a their sides in a field of tall grass. There was a staff in one of their hands…nothing eccentric like in the games or books; just a normal looking walking staff that they gripped onto to keep their balance while they crouched down by all the dead bodies in the field. The soldiers looked nothing like nowadays or even fifty years ago; this had to be really old; a sketch of a scene, a time, that had long since passed. In their free hand, they were cradling the side of a skeleton's face; dirty, smudged, and ripped clothes hanging off its bone body. What seemed to really strike me were the eyes; they themselves were odd. The irises were cloudy, a white. But a really bold white with just a faded almost grey border around them. They seemed luminescent, really.

But even that wasn't what had me pausing and leaning towards the screen to get a better look, sucked into this past time. It was the emotions in the eyes; compassion and sympathy, a tenderness. Such emotions invoked by a skeleton, a monster by most standards, the dead, decaying carcasses. In essence, Death, where most people would shun it; run away from in terror and senselessly hate it.

I don't know, but it made me feel a little better. To see that this _one_ Necromancer wasn't like all the others, all the stereotypes. That it wasn't just another cruel, power hungry fiend raising the dead; shoving spirits back into their bodies to do the Necromancer's biddings. One that wasn't, as depicted by everyone else it seemed, evil and sinister.

Just a neutral… being. One surrounded by Life and Death, walking along the thin line that separated the two. One who -

"We're going to be _late_, Bella! Is that what you want; for me to be late to my first date with Ben? The one date I've been waiting for my entire high school career?" Angela huffed, stomping over to my computer and turned off the screen. "Let's go!"

"Yeah, sorry." I said, still trembling from having been scared out of my skin at her little burst there. "I really am sorry; I didn't mean to make you wait so long." I continued, following her down the stairs and hollering out my goodbye to Charlie.

Seeing as I didn't have a car, and neither did Ben, Angela would be driving us tonight. I was fairly certain Alice had a car, seeing as the entire family was stupidly rich, but she didn't know where we were going or anything and following in cars was a hassle; you got separated easily or something of the sort and lost track of each other.

Angela's hand shoved the passenger door closed before I could get in and I turned to look at her, seeing her point to the back seat. "What? But we haven't even picked Ben up yet! I don't get the front till then?"

"Back seat for making me wait so long." She declared, going around to her own side of the car.

With a pout and a huff, I grudgingly got into the back seat. "Fine."

A few minutes later we picked up Ben and were heading out to the Cullen's mansion which just about no one knew the location of until Alice gave Angela directions. And eve then we were sure she had gotten us lost a couple times. "Does anyone else have the feeling that we've just been baited out into the middle of nowhere where no one can hear our screams as we're chopped up into stew?" Ben asked, his forehead pressed against the passenger window as he stared out at all the trees we were driving by.

"This _is_ remote." I commented, also pressing my face against the window. "Maybe we _did_ make a wrong turn, Ange."

"I'm following the directions word for word, guys! We're not lost - look! The white and glass mansion! Ha! And you said we were lost; please guys." She scoffed, grinning victoriously as well pulled down the twisting driveway.

Good gravy they _were_ loaded. Even more than I had thought. Just take a look at their place! So much glass, so open and nice. A large garden along the side, the volvo _and_ a mercedes parked in front of the garage. I was starting to feel a little washed out; like if I stepped on their porch I would somehow lower the quality of it or something.

Ben seemed to notice, seeing as I was still sitting in the car with my hand on the door after the initial shock wore off. He turned around in his seat, wiggling his eyebrows. "Well? Go get your date, Bella. We don't want to be late for dinner, do we?"

Shooting him a glare, I huffed and got out of the car, straightening my shirt and buttoned up the buttons on my coat. I felt too underdressed to set foot in their house now, especially in a Band Tee and jeans. But Angela was right, the coat did help. A little.

Somehow I got the feeling that they already knew we were here just by how quiet it was inside the house. I couldn't pick up any movement or anything like that as I wiped my sweaty palm on my jeans and knocked.

I was right; immediately the door swung open, revealing a beaming Alice.

She wasn't _too_ fancy either though, which relieved me a little bit. No dresses or anything. Just a pair of high heeled boots, black, and a black skirt with a red blouse. I noticed the wrist band she wore was identical to the one her brother, Edward, wore the other day when I ran into him and Jasper. Her hair, like usual, was up in styled chaos; ink black and silky looking. Her eyes were a vibrant gold, almost shining, surrounded by thick black lashes batting against her alabaster skin.

"Hello, Bella. Come in." She said, opening the door wider. I looked over my shoulder at the other two in the car who nodded and gestured me further, and stepped into the front foyer. The inside was just as beautiful as the outside, though I didn't have much time to admire it since people were popping out of nowhere it seemed. "My father you've already met, though he wanted to say hello again." She said quickly with a smile.

Dr. Cullen, Carlisle, walked over with a kind, friendly smile. His blonde hair was slicked back like always, his eyes lighter than Alice. It was odd to not see him in that white lab coat; instead a navy blue polo shirt that made him look even more pale than normal. "Good evening, Bella. How are you?"

"As a patient or as Alice's friend?" I blurted out, blushing and ducking my head.

Both him and Alice laughed though; the noise sounding much more melodic than it should have. "Both?" He grinned.

Smiling a tad myself, I nodded. "I'm good, as both. I, er, well… it's nothing really." I quickly covered up. I had just about told him that I might not be sick and almost spilled everything. Yeah, 'cause I wouldn't look crazy after _that_.

Carlisle's eyes studied me for a moment, catching the almost slip up while Alice tried to pretend she didn't and started bouncing on her feet. The tense atmosphere was broken when another woman breezed into the room. "This must be Bella; I've heard so much about you! Alice has been saying nothing but good things, my dear. I was so excited when I heard you would be coming to pick her up and we'd get to meet. I'm Esme." The woman said and the next thing I knew, I was pulled into a hug.

Awkwardly, I patted the woman's back and kind of just stood there until she released me, looking over to Alice who had her face buried in her palm. "Uh, hi." I said.

Alice's mother, as I figured she must have been, had long caramel hair, flowing down her back. She had the pale skin and the golden eyes of a Cullen as well though, her face heart shaped, and her being just emanating kindness and love. I knew her for all of thirty seconds, but already I could tell:

This was the mom of moms, man.

Alice cut in, stepping over and hooking her arm with mine. "We should get going; Angela and Ben are waiting in the car for us." She said, inching back towards the door.

Her parents smiled brightly and nodded, Esme leaning into Carlisle as he patted my shoulder. "I want my little girl home by twelve, not a second later; you got that mister?" He smirked.

Esme swatted him lightly with a smile and Alice rolled her eyes as I grinned at him. "Yes, sir." With that, Alice pulled me out of the house and closed the door on our way out. I paused, clearing my throat and felt a blush creep up my neck again as I held up my hand. "These are, um, for you. I know this is a joke and all, but I'm sure there's a rule book somewhere that dictates flowers are a must on every first date; real or not." I said quietly, holding up a tulip from the little garden in front of Charlie's that somehow always had flowers in it even if we never touched the thing.

Smiling softly at me, Alice gently took the tulip, her fingers brushing mine as she did so. "Thank you, Bella." She said, her voice gentle as she smelled the flower.

I blushed again, nodding, and quickly led her to the car, opening the door for her. Ben grinned at me through his window and I rolled my eyes at him, racing around to hop in on the other side. Angela turned, greeting Alice, and smiled brightly at us all. "I hope everyone likes Italian."

Perhaps my eyes were playing tricks on me, but I could have sworn a look of semi-horror passed Alice face at the mention of food. Maybe she _was_ anorexic?

**XXxxXXxxXX**

The night had been fun, despite whatI thought. I had figured it would be awkward and quiet the entire time; both Alice and I silent and unable to think of anything to do while those two got lost in Lovers World.

How wrong I was, though. Alice made tons of chit chat, talking about this and that, making me laugh. I'd put in my two cents, or start a new subject she was completely unfamiliar with; like games, and crack jokes here and there that she giggled at a lot. Ones Ben thought were lame, but Alice appreciated.

We spoke about Photography and Art a lot; Alice talking about some of her favourite pieces and showing me them on her iPhone. She had great taste. I, being somewhat of a drawer, grabbed a pen and doodled out a couple of things here and there on a few napkins. Alice, flattering me, praised them and snatched them from me, putting them in her purse when I tried to brush it off and say they were nothing and tried crumpling them.

She didn't eat much, if anything, at dinner. She ordered a small salad and mostly moved it around on her plate a lot. Angela noticed, eyeing her plat and Alice curiously a few times, and Alice would fidget like she was uncomfortable. So, being the nice, hungry, friend I was - I started munching on her salad, too, when Angela wasn't looking. Alice had grinned at me, scooting closer and edged her plate closer to mine to be more discrete as I snuck more of it.

After dinner, we went to see a movie. Something about werewolves or something; a more contemporary version or Little Red Riding Hood, done by the makers of some other movie that was a big hit. Twite. Twilight. Something along those lines.

It was an alright movie; I didn't really see much of it; my headache was getting worse and worse as more time passed without alcohol. It was getting hard to concentrate on anything, especially when the whispering started. But I couldn't exactly start up a conversation right there, and tried blocking it out till I got home.

Mostly, it had worked. It made my headache worse and I _really_ could hardly focus, but it stopped them. The only time I had relief was when Alice would lean over and whisper to me; commenting on the movie or asking if I was okay.

So, when the movie ended, I was relieved and upset. Relieved because I could go home and try to finally sort this all out, but upset because I was having a _really_ good time with Alice. We were in the back of the car and had abandoned trying to look out the windows sine it was pouring out, and started talking about nothing while Angela and Ben spoke up front. Alice laughed, revealing bright white teeth, and rather sharp looking canines. They looked like those fake vampire teeth you could mould to your teeth and then just clip in any time; though these looked professionally done, for TV or something. You could hardly tell they weren't real.

'Cause they weren't…right? People didn't have teeth like that.

I was brought out of my thoughts once again that day as her chilly hand rested on my leg. I stared down at it for a second, following the pale arm back up to Alice, whose lips were twisted up in a smile. "I had a great time tonight, Bella." She chimed.

"Me too." I grinned. "It was really fun."

She laughed again, shaking her head. "Indeed. We should do this again; I haven't enjoyed myself this much in a long time."

"Happy I could help. How about tomorrow?" I asked.

She nodded with a smile before her body froze. Her golden eyes unfocused, no longer seeing me as they shifted back and forth watching…who knew what. Seemingly nothing, like she was watching a memory or something, or an invisible scene unfolding before her eyes only.

A scream made me jump as Angela furiously started turning the wheel to swerve. A white flash of light blinded me as someone's headlights came into view; Angela's screaming getting louder, along with Ben's. Alice gasped, blinking a few times and met my eyes. Terror were in hers as she reached out. "Bella!" She screamed before the front of the car damn near exploded, whipping around and sending me into my door hard. I cried out, blinking the haze from my vision, and saw that Ben, in front of me, had been slammed against his door too.

More headlights illuminated our side of the car as a horn honked. I screamed Ben's name, trying to reach for him before cold arms wrapped around me and pulled me into a stone hard lap. Alice angled her body, nearly covering me, and I screamed again, shutting my eyes as the car careened into ours and Ben.

**XXxxXXxxXX**

**UPDATE! **

**Been a while; I apologize guys.**

**Review though; you inspire me. :)**

_**The Nervous Rambler**_


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or anything you read that is familiar.**

**Rated: T.**

**Author: The Nervous Rambler.**

**Summary: ****AU. A/B E/J Em/R. 'Why won't you let me help you, Bella' 'Because you can't help me unless you believe me'**

**BELLA**

Surprisingly enough, the pain wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Even more surprisingly, I hadn't completely lost my mind and started freaking out, all traumatized and whatnot. But that made sense; I never was one for freaking out, getting all worked up and stuff. I was usually the one who kept their cool and stayed calm. Well, numb. Okay, fine…buzzed. But buzzed and calm are pretty much the same thing when you think about it, really.

A bright light in my eyes brought my out of my thoughts and I fought, trying to close my lids. And then I realized, exactly, why that was proving to be such a difficult task.

Some butt-hole was trying to hold them open, shining a tiny little flash light in them, yelling at me to follow the light.

Slowly, but surely, the rest of my senses started returning to me. I could hear the sirens wailing all around me, people yelling at one another, or maybe to one another - it was hard to tell, my mind didn't seem to want to focus on much at the moment. I could smell smoke and something burning but I couldn't make out what it was, along with a metallic, rusty sort of smell that mingled in with whatever taste was left in my mouth. It was not pleasant, and I could feel my face scrunch up in disgust. But more than that, I could feel a sort of stabbing, burning in my shoulder.

Again, there was that man holding his hand in my face. "How many fingers, miss?"

"Her name is Bella. Bella, can you hear me?" A frantic, distraught voice called. Wait a minute… I recognized that voice…

The man blocked my sight, looking over his shoulder with a frustrated face. "Miss, for the last time, I need you to stand back and give the girl some space. Please let Molly check you for injuries." He turned back to look at me, his mustache reminding me of Charlie kind of. "How many fingers, Bella?"

"Worst luck…" The words gurgled out of my mouth. "Cars… I've got the worst luck….with cars… third time…"

"-loading her in the back; she's delirious." He sighed to a red-haired woman who rushed up.

She smiled feebly down at me, nervously glancing at the man and lowered her voice, though not enough for me to not hear. "I don't think the boy will make it; he's barely hanging on."

Boy? What boy…? Hanging onto what?

A strangled gasp left my mouth, my eyes widening.

Ben! The crash… and Ben! It was so hard to focus, it felt like every time a thought had just popped into my head, it was gone again.

Before I realized what I was doing, I was sitting up on the stretcher, pushing the man away as I tried to get down. I had to find Ben and make sure he was okay. The man grunted, trying to, gently, force me back onto the stretcher. "Miss, you need to lay down. Mi - Bella, stop fighting me. Lay down."

"Just lay back." The woman said, helping the man. Her hands, though wearing latex gloves, having been a paramedic, I gathered, were covered in blood, and that did not help ease my worries in the slightest.

If anything, it made me struggle harder.

Which resulted in an explosion of pain in my shoulder. I cried out, my uninjured arm raising up so I could hold my shoulder. "Son of a bi-"

"Lay back and try not to move." The man said, buckling a belt over my stomach to restrain me to the stretcher. "This is for your own safety, so you don't hurt yourself."

"No, my friend… my… he's hurt… Ben!" I yelled, leaning up. My good arm was grabbed and held down to the side of the stretcher, the woman with the bloody hands buckling another, smaller buckle around it, pinning it to the stretcher. "Stop - what are you - Ben! Ben, can you hear me? Ben!" More buckles, over my left arm and chest, under my right arm and injured shoulder as to not hurt it, strapping my chest down to the stretcher as they loaded me into the ambulance. "Stop… he…"

_"Stop struggling, honey. Let them work."_

"You!" I gasped again, shaking my head side to side as the man struggled to put that clear mask over my mouth and nose. "I'm not sick!"

_"You're not sick, honey, no. But you're pretty banged up. Close your eyes and rest some."_

"But Ben!" I replied. "He - whoa…" My eyelids drooped, the energy seemingly sucked right out of me. "You did…something…"

"This will help you relax." The man said, making sure the mask thing was secure.

That was about when I passed out the first time.

**XXxxXXxxXX**

"-vital signs are failing!"

"Pass me the clamp - Nancy, hold this for me - suction this area!"

My eyes cracked open, everything fuzzy and bleary. I could scarcely make out lights spaced out in the ceiling, but that was about it. I was… running down a hall?

Wait… no… the stretcher…

Someone was running me down the hall?

My head lolled to the side, my eyes making out the blurry silhouette of someone lying on a stretcher next to me. Only, there was a lot of red. Like, _a lot_, a lot. It made me queasy and I closed my eyes, breathing through my mouth.

A wave of exhaustion crashed through me, my stomach churning as I started fading again.

"Carlisle - we're losing her again!"

"How is this possible? I thought you said her injuries were minor!" A smooth, gently voice barked out.

The voices sounded like they were coming from way down a tunnel, getting farther and farther away.

"-boy is coming around, vital signs are rising."

Voices so quiet and muffled, almost completely blocked out by the whispering. Whispering. So much whispering. It was giving me a headache.

"Clear!"

A choked cry escaped me as I cringed and my eyes flew open. That hurt!

"Take him to the ER and take her to a private room. Call doctor Brige in."

Oh it hurt. Hurt bad. Everything hurt, it ached in time with my pulse. My head felt like it was going to split open, my shoulder still burning.

The pain was too intense and I felt myself drooping again, on the verge of passing out.

**XXxxXXxxXX**

This was a little too familiar.

White ceiling, white walls, white floors, a single window.

It was starting to freak me out.

Immediately I looked down to my wrist, checking for the plastic band that held all my information. I sighed in relief when I was met with just my bare wrist, closing my eyes with a small smile.

For a second I thought that I had made everything up; Forks, living with my dad, Alice, everything.

"What were you checking for?"

"Augh!" I screamed, nearly jumping out of the bed in fright. A low beeping somewhere to my side turned loud and erratic, making me glance over at the machine for a second before turning back to Alice's concerned golden eyes. Her hair wasn't in its usual stilled chaos, more just dishevelled, like she had ran her hands through it too many times. Instead of designer clothing like normal, she was in a pair of scrubs and a sweater, something her dad probably gave her to wear instead of the hospital dress that I, unfortunately, was in. Her golden eyes were darker than normal, more of a burning amber, with dark purple circles forming under her eyes.

She looked very…frazzled.

It brought a small, amused smile to my lips that seemed to lift some of whatever weight she was carrying on her shoulders.

Alice raised a dark eyebrow curiously. "So?"

"Um… so what?"

"What were you checking for?" She asked, shaking her head with her own smile, albeit a feeble one.

"Oh!" I said, glancing back down to my wrist and shook my head. "Nothing… I just… I spent two years waking up in a white room like this every morning, I thought…well… it doesn't matter." I muttered, blushing and avoided eye contact. Clearing my throat, I took another look around the room again, confusion colouring my face at all the machines hooked up to me. "So… you want to tell me what the hell I'm doing in a hospital yet again?" I asked casually.

Alice's small smile fell from her face. "You don't… you don't remember?" My brows furrowed at her words. Remember what? Alice's face matched mine before she pulled her sleeve back, revealing a cast on her wrist and hand. "The accident?"

I gasped, leaning forward to stare at the cast. "What happened? Are you hurt? Bad? Is it - is it bad? Do you - I - broken wrist?"

Alice didn't answer any of my questions, her only reaction was to look almost… guilty? She hesitantly pointed to me, well, to my right, and I followed her finger with my eyes. "We went out four days ago; you, me, Angela, and… Ben. Remember? And on the car ride back, there was an accident. There was a truck and… no one saw until it was too late… I didn't see - I don't know how I didn't see… I'm _so_ sorry, Bella. I'm so sorry."

My mind stopped following what she was saying after the word accident, my eyes wide and my mind numb as I looked down at my arm in the sling. Images flashed before my eyes; Alice smiling warmly at me in the back seat, laughing and lightly slapping my thigh as we joked. Angela and Ben holding hands in the front. The movie. Dinner. The rain.

I winced, closing my eyes and shook my head at the images after that.

Bright lights. Screaming. Metal colliding with metal. Blood.

"Is Ben okay?" I rasped out, having lost my voice. Or maybe my ability to speak the words of the question I didn't want answered. What if the answer was no?

Alice shifted, I could see from my peripherals. "My dad worked on him for twelve hours, Bella. He did the best he could. Ben is… he's alright, but…"

"But what?" I snapped, glaring at the pixie who hung her head. I regretted it instantly.

"He's not conscious right now. He hasn't been since the crash. Surprisingly enough there wasn't a lot broken. A few ribs and fingers. There was a lot of bruising and cuts though. A shard of metal pierced his chest and he almost…" She paused when I paled. "But he made it. Carlisle doesn't really know how. A lot of… weird things happened that night."

"Weird things?" I asked, running my good hand through my hair. "Weird how?"

Alice bit her lip, looking deep in thought. "Ben should have… he shouldn't have lived from that. The ambulance took too long to get there, what with the rain, he should have…died, long before they got there." She struggled to tell me. "And you-" She stepped closer to the bed, her hand raised out to me before stopping herself, dropping her hand. Her eyes seemed even darker now and she took a deep breath. "You kept flatlining. One minute you're there and Ben wasn't, and the next he is and you're not. I don't understand." She murmured. "You should have been awake and fine to go home later that night, but you've been unconscious for four days."

"Four days!" My jaw fell open.

She nodded. "Everyone's been so worried about you. Your mom flew in and hasn't left the hospital since, your dad took a week off work and has been stopping by whenever he isn't tracking down who the owner of the truck was. There was no licence plate and he ran minutes after the accident. I was trying not to move you and couldn't run after him, the bastard."

A low rumble came from her chest and I shook my head, wondering if I was hearing things. "I… wait, my mom's here?" I asked.

Alice didn't have time to respond before the door was nearly ripped off its hinges and a distraught Renee flew into the room and onto the hospital bed with me, gathering my in her arms. I braced myself, waiting for the pain in my shoulder, and was surprised when there was none. Renee was making sure not to touch it as she held my close. "Bella, you're awake! Oh, my little Bella. I was so scared! You wouldn't wake up and they didn't know why - _why_ would you scare your mother like that? Oh I'm so glad you're okay!" She wailed into my hair and I grimaced. Tears in the hair was kind of gross. I mean, it was a touching moment so I wouldn't say anything or shove her off or anything, but still. Yuk.

Blushing, I tried to look around the crazed woman, trying to see if Alice was watching my mother maul me with love. The pixie was in the corner of the room, seemingly holding back her giggles, and I blushed harder. I could literally _feel_ the cool points peeling off me and flying away. And those, so few, suckers were hard enough to get the first time. "Um, mom? You're kind of choking me." I mumbled, relieved when she pulled back enough so she wasn't completely in my personal bubble. "And I'm okay, really. Just, uh, just my shoulder."

"And a few cuts and bruises, though nothing that won't heel up in a week or so." She said, holding the sides of my face and looking me over.

Good gravy, the woman was smother me. If she were anyone but my mom, I'm pretty sure I would have popped them in the face by now.

Too much touching!

I like me some space, man.

Space. Man.

Spaceman.

"Spaceman?" My mother repeated and my eyes widened. Did she just read my mind? "What are you talking about?"

"That would be the drugs kicking in, I believe." Carlisle said as he entered the room, checking over his chart. He smiled warmly at me as he approached the bed, checking over the machines and IV. "Glad to see that you are awake, my dear."

"We've seriously gotta stop meeting like this, doc." I huffed, looking up at him.

His smile widened. "I agree with you there, Bella."

"So, how am I looking? Good to go, or what?" I asked, peeking over to look at the charts that made absolutely no sense to me.

Carlisle nodded his head, looking to Alice who gave a swift nod. "Yes, I'll just have to run one more little test and then you can head home. If you're feeling up to it; I'll send in your father and Angela; they've been waiting since Renee rushed in here." I shrugged and nodded and he smiled once more, moving back to the door. He placed his hand on Alice's shoulder. "Why don't we clear out and give them some room."

Alice hesitated for a second, looking back over to me with pursed lips. She opened her mouth, like she was going to say something, but changed her mind and nodded, following her father out of the room.

Moments later the door opened again and a stressed out Charlie walked through the door. His hair was messed, there were dark bags under his eyes, and I could already smell the coffee on him from across the room. His fingers shook slightly when he approached the bed, and I would have commented on it, had I not been staring at the cast on Angela's leg. She didn't seem nearly as worried or distracted about it though, instead relief filling her eyes as she looked at me. "You're okay!" She sighed.

"Yeah, I'm g-…" Well, I wasn't good. I was just in a freaking car accident, and apparently dying. Again. Honestly, my life was so damn repetitive. "I'm okay." I agreed, nodding. "What about you? Your leg, is it broken?"

She nodded with a frown. "Yes, but considering everything, I'm real lucky. So is Alice. The car hit yours and… and Ben's side." She murmured, her eyes getting watery. She shook her head, setting crutches against the bed and grabbed my hand, giving it a squeeze. "I'm so glad Alice grabbed you and pulled you to our side. I couldn't handle it if you _and_ Ben were both… I just… I'm so glad you're okay."

_Alice gasped, her clouded over eyes clearing up and growing wide with terror. "Bella!" She screamed._

_The front end of the car whipped around with the explosion of metal and crunching and sound, and I flew into my door hard._

_Ben… Ben was slumped against his own door too, not moving._

_Everything felt like slow motion as I reached out, reaching for Ben. My vision blurred and I slumped, listening to Ben cry out in pain. _

_Cold arms wrapped around me, secure and gentle at the same time. And then I was in a stone lap, watching as Alice turned her back to my previous side of the car, blocking it from me as there was another sound of explosion, glass raining over us. _

Shivering, I shook the images from my head again.

Alice had saved my life. If I was on the other side a second longer, I would have ended up like Ben.

But… the glass… the metal…everything…

Both myself and Angela has scrapes and bruises everywhere. _Everywhere._ Yet, Alice only seemed to have the broken wrist.

How was that possible?

**XXxxXXxxXX**

**Again, it has been quite a while. Sorry about that; I just couldn't figure out how to follow the crash for the longest time. And then I started writing Blood Smiles.**

**I'd also just like to point out that the Cullens **_**are**_** vampires. I know I had AH in the description for the longest time because I'm a friggin' air head.**

**So review and stuff, that'd be great, and, you know, have a good weekend. **

_**The Nervous Rambler**_


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or anything you read that is familiar.**

**Rated: T.**

**Author: The Nervous Rambler.**

**Summary: ****AU. A/B E/J Em/R. 'Why won't you let me help you, Bella' 'Because you can't help me unless you believe me'**

**BELLA**

"…wouldn't say much about it, like Bella here, but she told me about the entire night _before_ the accident. Apparently Ben…"

Half a bottle was left. Twelve large, white, oval shaped pills rattling at the bottom every time I picked the plastic bottle up.

"Oh, hi, Angela. We were, um, we were just talking about going to the beach this weekend."

To numb the pain, or not to numb the pain; that _is_ the question.

"Yes, I bet you were. Hey, Bella, how'er you feeling today?"

To think, or not to think.

"Bella?"

Perchance to make sense of all these murky thoughts.

"Bella?"

"She's a little out of it right now; she took another two of those pills, like, ten minutes ago."

At the price of my head, quite possibly, exploding. Was the clarity worth it? Such a decision couldn't properly be made under these conditions; I'd need that clarity to make the choice. But then the choice would already be made, wouldn't it?

Scowling, I glared at the little white pills until a hand snatched them from the table in front of me. Angela sighed, setting them back down on the table and turning her glare onto me. "Bella, Doctor Cullen said to take _one_ every six hours. How many have you had today?"

My eyes fell back down to the little plastic bottle before I sat up, blinking a few times. "I can't be completely sure, but I think four. Maybe five." I replied, my brows furrowing. "Although, Renee stopped by this morning again to check on me; could've been six."

Angela stared at me while a few heartbeats passed by, her own hand shooting out and grabbing mine as I reached for the bottle. She held it down on her lap, glaring at me again. "No more." She gave me a look until my shoulders slumped with defeat and finally let go of my hand again, seeing as my other arm was still in the sling and I couldn't eat with it. The others at the table slowly broke off into their conversation again, now that the little scene was over, and I slouched back in my seat, sighing. "I'm going to visit Ben this evening again; you want to come along?"

It had been three days since I left the hospital, and Ben still hadn't woken up yet. Angela was in some kind of denial stage, and refused to believe this was very serious. She convinced herself that he just needed a little more rest before he'd get up and everything would be okay again. Ben's parents and Eve weren't taking it as nicely, and the pain killers Carlisle had me on made it very difficult to feel very much of anything except confusion and false bliss at times. Angela and I hadn't spoke to Alice yet since we left the hospital, and she seemed to be keeping her distance as well. Why, I couldn't be sure, but she constantly had this guilty look on her face. How anyone could have predicted the car accident is beyond me, but she felt that she should have, and was blaming herself. I tried to tell her it wasn't and it only seemed to make her feel worse, and since then she had stuck with her family like they were glued together.

"I…sure." I answered, nodding slowly.

A tingle ran down my back and I looked over my shoulder, not surprised to find five pairs of golden eyes on me. It was like that for the past couple of day; all of them watching, waiting for _something._ Like I was going to explode or say something bad; they were always tense, ready to bolt from the room.

It just added to my confusion.

My eyes drifted back down to the bottle while I chewed on my lip.

Pain killers, or answers?

That's the _new_ question.

_**~.~.~.~.~**_

Both Charlie and Renee's eyes were on me while Phil continued to watch the game. Call it parental instinct or whatever you wanted; but they could tell something was up. They could feel it; I was their kid, after all.

Or maybe it was the flushed face, sweat dripping from my brow, clenched jaw, and fists so tight my knuckles were white.

Either way, they were staring at me and I was fighting to hard to not snap at them. But my patience was wearing thin, my wits were frazzled, and I was going to explode.

Eight hours later and the pain killers finally wore off. I was beginning to think I made the wrong choice though, the answers I had _better_ get, better be worth this because if it was all for nothing, I was going to kill someone. My shoulder was a big, stinging, burning mass of pain, while my head ached and throbbed with every noise. It felt like my brain was going to melt or fry, and someone was trying to shove an ice pick through the side of my skull.

And that was all _without_ the whispering.

Persistent, ever ending, annoying, whispering had started up just after the pain killers had worn off. Nothing dramatic or anything; it wasn't like that was the only thing I could hear. If anything, I could just barely hear it at all. It was the quietest noise, so quiet I wasn't even really sure it was actually there. And that was driving me nuts; not knowing if it was real whispering, or if it was just my mind playing tricks on me, or worse; if it was a symptom. The chance that this might actually really be part of my sickness. The chance that I really was sick. I couldn't go back to that; I'd been convinced that I was sick all my life and finally, _finally_, had real hope, had a real chance of, for lack of a better word, sanity. Not that I was insane, mind you; just… 'confused' as the doctors often told me. 'Unable to separate reality from imagination'.

"Bella?" Renee's voice pulled my from my thoughts, momentarily startling me into silence; her voice blocking out all the whispering for those very few seconds. "Angela's mother is here; Angela's waiting in the car for you."

My brows furrowed and I looked down at the phone in my lap, illuminated with the text from Angela that Renee had just read. Hm. I had missed the vibration. "Okay, I'll be back later." I said, getting to my feet and walking over to the door.

Renee followed me, frowning as I pulled on my leather coat. I idly glanced down at my T shirt as I shoved my phone into the pocket of my black jeans, the vibrant green cotton momentarily distracting me again. The giant 'H' on the front seemed almost mocking and I suddenly felt undeserving to wear this shirt; I highly doubt the Hulk would get hit by a car. Three times.

Never mind the Hulk; _any_ of the Marvel super heros, but my dresser was basically stocked full of the T shirts. I was borderline obsessed with them.

"Honey," I glanced back up as Renee's voice urged me to focus again. "Please be careful." She said, her voice a mixture of worry and anxiety. She had a hard time letting me leave the house nowadays, not that I could blame her. I was a danger magnet when perfectly healthy, and now I was a danger magnet in an arm sling.

"I will." I promised, turning and headed out the door.

Angela was waiting in the backseat of her mom's car with her casted leg up on the seat in front of her. I offered a feeble, strained smile as I slid into the passenger seat, mumbling a greeting to her mom. Mrs. Weber made small talk the whole ride to the hospital, obviously trying to keep the atmosphere light and not so heavy, but that was proving difficult. I mean, we were driving to the hospital to visit our friend/boyfriend who was in a coma. There wasn't much hope of trying to lighten that up with small talk distractions.

Unless of course there were Leprechauns involved. I don't know about you; but if a Leprechaun started making small talk, my mind wouldn't be anywhere else but there.

Alas, there were no Leprechauns, just Mrs. Weber, bless her heart, and the dreary road leading up to the Hospital. I waited outside the car as Mrs. Weber helped Angela out of the car, and handed her the crutches once she was standing straight. We waved as her mom drove off, promising to be back in an hour to pick us up again, before we turned and headed inside the hospital.

I winced, the bright florescent lights burning my eyes and making my head throb. Angela lifted an eyebrow in silent question but I shook my head. No need to worry her. All the nurses on duty smiled and waved as we passed, not bothering us with signing in; they knew who we were and who we were here to visit; we'd been coming by at the same time for the passed three days.

Ben's room was on one of the top floors, in the very back corner of the building. Carlisle managed to pull some strings for him so he could have his own private room, which I was thankful for because I didn't want to deal with other sick people, or their families, while visiting Ben. Not because I was heartless or rude; just standoffish and being around people was hard for me.

The room was quiet when we got there, like always, and only a lamp beside the bed was on. The curtain over the small window was pulled back to let moonlight stream into the room, the cushions on the small sofa on the other side of the room a little mangled; someone had been visiting recently, probably Ben's family. Eve and his mother came by a lot; more often than Angela or me. I hadn't had the heart to even look at them and had been avoiding all chances of bumping into them anywhere.

With a sigh, I slid my good arm out of the sleeve of my leather coat, hanging it over the arm of the sofa. It was a little warm in there, but that was because Ben was 'unusually cold'. Angela didn't seem to be bothered in her heavy sweater, pulling up a plastic chair next to the bed. She sat down in it, leaning her crutches against the wall, and just stared at Ben.

My heart clenched and I looked away, up to the blank TV screen. Sure, it wouldn't wake Ben up if I turned it on, or even if it did that would be a very grateful miracle, but it felt wrong to watch TV in here. If he couldn't, then why should I. I felt like I'd be rubbing it in his face; that I was up and well and he wasn't.

With a grimace, I held my forehead in my good hand, sitting on the edge of the sofa.

"Bella, are you okay?" Angela asked, curiosity and worry in her voice.

A flick of my wrist was the best thing to waving off her concerns that my bad arm could manage. I grumbled, leaning back and resting my head on the back of the sofa, staring up at the ceiling. After a few moments of silence, I cleared my throat nervously. "Hey, Ange?"

"Hmm?" She responded. I could tell her eyes were still on his face; she hardly ever looked anywhere but at him when in the room.

I fidgeted, squirming uncomfortably on the cushions. "Do you think he'll be mad?"

This time I could feel her eyes on me and hear the confusion in her voice. "Mad at what?"

My shoulders rose and fell in a shrug. "I don't know, just mad. In general." I replied. "Mad that he got the worst of it. That a week of his life, so far, has been stolen. That we got away with minor injuries. Mad at me." I muttered the last one.

When she said nothing, I cracked open my eyes, blinking behind my glasses at her. She was glaring at me. "Bella, why would you think that? Is that the reason you've been popping those pills like they're candy? Because you feel guilty, you're scared he'll be mad at you?" I looked away; she was partly right. There was also the pain though, that was for sure. "Of course he won't be mad at you; he'll be relieved and thankful that we weren't hurt badly as well. Why on earth would he be mad at you; it's not like you were driving that other car."

"No, but… I was on the same side as him. I should have been hurt just as bad. We should have suffered through this together, but instead he's by himself." I mumbled quietly, blinking hard a few times.

Angela sighed. "Bella, he'll probably be kissing Alice's feet for saving you. You're his best friend, and the last thing in the world he'd want for you, is pain."

I bit my lip, but otherwise remained silent, contemplating her words.

_**~.~.~.~.~**_

A great yawn wracked my body as I glanced at my phone before looking back to the door to Ben's room. Angela had left seven minutes ago, heading down to the cafeteria to grab some snacks for us. Neither of us had eaten much of anything lately, but we were both starting to feel the affects of it; our stomachs growling into the silent room. And still another half hour before Mrs. Weber was coming to pick us up.

Naturally, I had volunteered to do this little chore. She was in crutches and I just as the sling. But Angela claimed that she new one of the male nurses who'd be more than willing to help her, and that I only had one arm and absolutely no intention of asking for help.

Which was true; I'd find an empty wheelchair and wheel the snacks back up to the room before asking for help. Or go hungry. Angela would have none of that though, and had left.

So I was by myself in the quiet, dark room.

My eyes wandered over to Ben's still form and I felt my stomach roll, my head aching. I had managed to mostly tune out the whispering; I'd hear it every now and then, but it wasn't common anymore. The bottle of pills was still in the pocket of my coat though, just in case.

Biting my lip, I got to my feet and scuffled over to the side of the hospital bed. Ben's dark hair had been cut and cropped short, as to not get in the way of the doctors while they worked on him; stitching the cuts on his face and head. Luckily they didn't have to give him a buzz cut, because I know he'd hate that for sure. He liked his hair. His golden brown skin looked so pale now, not as pale as mine, but quite pale for Ben. There were a few cuts and gashes on his face, none of them too bad, except for one. There was one long gash that cut through his left eyebrow, down his cheek, to his top lip. Luckily it wasn't deep, but Carlisle said it would most likely scar. His other eye was still a little swollen and black, his bottom lip busted, and a lot of bruising in different areas. A few of his fingers were broken, along with a couple of ribs, but otherwise nothing was too badly damaged. However, I knew under the blanket and hospital gown, there was a large white bandage over his chest that was changed daily; where the metal had stabbed through.

My gut clenched again as pain burned in my head. I clenched my jaw, trying to shake it off and focus on Ben. "I'm sorry, Ben." I whispered.

Pressure started building in my head and my thoughts drifted to the bottle of pills in my coat pocket.

"We should have stayed at the movies longer. Watched the credits. Stopped for a bathroom break before we left. _Anything_ that would have made us leave a few minutes later."

My good hand came up, grabbing my stomach as it churned and flipped, clenching.

"Maybe then you'd be awake. We'd be having a gaming marathon right now while Angela would laugh and call us geeks. Alice wouldn't be avoiding me like I carried the plague."

The whispering got louder and my brows furrowed as I leaned into the bed, using my good hand to prop me up.

"I-"

My heart sped up, beating away so hard and so fast I thought it would explode from my chest. "What the hell is going on?" I rasped, falling to my knees beside the bed. A cold sweat broke out on the back of my neck and forehead. But I was cold, shivering uncontrollably as I gasped in a lung full of air, one after another and another, like I was drowning. My vision got blurry even though I was wearing my glasses, black spots appearing here and there. It felt like I was going to pass out.

My good hand shakily reached up onto the bed as I fought to get my feet under me, and stood on unstable legs. I needed a nurse, a doctor, someone. I groaned, my stomach feeling like it was splitting open, and jerked forward. Cool skin brushed mine and I blinked, seeing my hand holding Ben's; my grip so tight that my knuckles were going white.

I cried out, fire licking at my blood, my muscles straining as I tensed at the pain.

Ben's heart monitor started going off like crazy; an alarm blaring in my ears, adding to the pain in my head. I desperately tried to get my hand to release, but it wasn't listening to me. It just continued to hold Ben's hand, letting me burn.

Gasping, in pain or astonishment - I couldn't be sure, I watched as Ben's hand closed around mine, holding my hand just as tightly as I was holding his.

Tears were running down my face, my head and eyes feeling like they were going to explode any second. There was nothing but pain and Ben. The only two things I knew in that moment.

Just as quick as it came, it was gone; the burning fading away to nothing, my muscles finally relaxing, the stabbing pain in my head dulling to a semi-less painful throb. I was collapsed on Ben's legs, breathing in and out deeply as the after-effects of whatever the hell that just was, washed through me.

With sluggish movements, I pushed myself back up to my feet, taking one last deep breath.

Only to have it all whoosh back out and escape me in a gasp. Ben's eyes, always so dark they looked black, were a brilliant white. Staring at me as the golden-white glow surrounded him.

I blinked, taking a startled step backwards, watching as his eyes faded darker and darker until they were back to normal, the glow around him gone. Like it hadn't happened.

"B…" He cleared his throat, though his voice was still rough and gravelly. "Bella?" He choked out.

Shaking my head, I backed farther and farther away until I hit the wall. I turned, sprinting for the door and threw it open, running down the hall. My feet carried me all the way to the bathroom door before they couldn't move any farther, and I collapsed into the room, grabbing onto the sink to hold myself up. "Impossible." I whispered to myself, my own voice rough and gravelly. "This… no… this isn't possible. It can't be. No."

I cleared my throat and shook my head, looking up into the mirror and letting my jaw drop.

This. Can't. Be. Possible.

A brilliant blue glow reflected back at me, surrounding my profile. I quickly looked down at my hands and body, but nothing was there.

When I looked back up, it was still there. And my eyes… Behind the bold, black framed glasses, the incredible blue filled my eyes. No pupils. No irises. No whites. Just that blue, glowing, shining, illuminating, like a light inside me. My brows furrowed as I lifted my good hand, hesitantly touching the mirror. My fingers ghosted over the reflection's eyes, tracing the dark purple bags under them, the pale skin. The dry and cracked lips, the wild hair clinging to my neck under the black beanie. The Incredible Hulk T shirt and black jeans. Even my beat up black chucks.

This was still me.

Just different.

_"You really shouldn't be healing just yet, honey. You're still new to this."_

I jumped at the voice, spinning around and gasped. "You…"

A woman stood in the corner of the bathroom. Her hair was blonde, long, but up in a bun at the back of her head, her eyes a friendly grey. She worse a simple dress with a sweater over it, simple shoes, and no make up. She looked like just a regular woman.

Except for the obvious fact that she wasn't.

Her skin was pale, but it gave off a certain… glow, I suppose. Not like mine or Ben's. You could barely call it a glow; it was just different. But definitely not human, and I had a feeling I knew what it was.

"You're a ghost, aren't you?"

The woman smiled and nodded. _"Yes, dear, I am."_

My mind whirled at the confession and I stumbled back farther. "How… How am I… and you…you're dead but…"

She made to step closer to me, but paused when I flinched. Instead, she held up her hands and stepped back, letting me relax. _"I've been watching you, sweetie. I've seen you studying away at your computer, trying to figure this all out on your own. You're a smart girl, I believe you know exactly how and why you can see and hear me. You know what you are, now you just have to admit it."_

My bottom lip trembled before I bit it, shaking my head again. "No, I… I'm normal." I whispered brokenly. "I'm human."

She shook her head, smiling sadly at me. _"What are you, Bella?"_

No. No, I was normal. I wasn't going to finally find out I wasn't sick, that I was perfectly sane, only to admit to being different again. No, absolutely not. She couldn't make me.

I formed my best glare at her, straightening my shoulders. "I'm human. I'm a normal, healthy, sane human."

The woman sighed. _"No, Bella-"_

"Who are you to tell me what I am and what I'm not?" I snarled. She took another step closer to me. "I'm human, dammit!" And another. "Just like everyone else, I'm normal." And another. "Don't take that from me, please."

_"I'm so sorry, dear. But do you really want to live another lie? You've been doing it for so long; do you honestly want to go back to that?"_ She asked and I watched, numbly, as her hand passed through mine.

I shivered, my shoulders slumping in defeat. "No…"

_"What are you, honey?"_

I hesitated, glancing wearily up into her kind face before looking off to the corner of the room, shame written on my face. "A Necromancer."

**~.~.~.~.~**

**GASP.**

**Not.**

**We all saw that coming, didn't we?**

**But what does this all entail? And Ben's awake now! Glowing like Bella? Hmm…? What does that mean?**

**Well, review please, tell me what you think. **

_**The Nervous Rambler.**_


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